Many people claim to understand love. Some view it as something you fall into, like it’s a great big, surprising pit you tumble into with a pillow-top mattress and a hot chick waiting for you at the bottom. Others see it as something that is in the air – a feeling you catch, almost like a cold that you don’t get over for a really long time. Still others think of it as something you make; so they cook up a string of romantic flings to try and satisfy their sexual appetite.
The error in all of these perspectives – which are the unfortunate but unvoiced opinion of most average people in the world -- is that love starts and ends with them. It can be created by them for their own good. It’s all about their needs and desires. Consequently, love is, to them, a three-letter word: “Get.” Thus, their relationships are, for all practical purposes, fundamentally flawed.
But truly, God understands love best, because, as the Bible points out, he is love (I John 4:8). So to really know love, we need to know God. In fact, this is exactly the point John is making in these verses in 1 John 4 – that loving others correctly starts with knowing God properly.
This matters greatly because when we start with God as the source of love – which he is – we end up in a radically different place than if we start with ourselves. Starting with God means that love is not a three-letter word, but a four-letter word: “Give.” Why? Because giving is exactly what God did to prove his love. This same writer, John, confirmed this when he wrote in another of his letters (John 3:16), “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes should never perish but have eternal life.”
You see, God didn’t need anything. He wasn’t lonely or on the rebound. Yet, he gave of himself so that we – sinners who were separated from him – might be saved. In this way God defined love as no one ever has: the sacrifice of who we are and what we have for someone else’s benefit.
That’s the heart of the Gospel. God, in his great love, has redeemed us through Jesus, for no reason other than it was his good pleasure to. He didn’t have to; we didn’t deserve it. But he loved us, and gave himself in the form of the God-Man Jesus to be the sacrificial substitute for our sin. As Paul declared it in Romans 5:8, “But God shows his love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”
As a result, all who know God can love like God. Sacrificially. Permanently. Selflessly. Radically. And that’s exactly the kind of love it takes in a marriage. Truth is, without God, marriage is nothing more than two people using each other to get their physical, sexual, and emotional needs met. But with God as the centerpiece, marriage is the avenue by which a man gives of himself to satisfy his woman in every human way. And a woman gives of herself to satisfy her man in every human way. It is the spiritual and physical union of two people committed to giving, not getting.
“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God” (I John 4:7).
Monday, June 29, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Resistance vs. Persistance
Saying “no” (resistance) has its place. Just read Proverbs 1 and you’ll see that truth clearly communicated. But it doesn’t have the power that saying “yes” (persistence) does. And that is plainly illustrated in Proverbs 2. Bottom line? Only an deep, internal “yes” brings any meaning to the difficult, external “no’s”.
The New Testament lays out the same process and principle in Colossians 2 and Titus 2. Paul taught us in both places (Col. 2:20-23 and Titus 2:11-14) that there is both a “no” and a “yes” in the life of every believer. We should deny worldliness and ungodliness; we should resist sin; we should stand against our enemy, Satan. But a life that consists of only “no’s” – rules with no reasoning – leads to frustration and eventually a hypocritical existence (see Col. 2:23). Paul bluntly said that a life of only “no’s” is beyond boring. It is insanely futile. Blindly useless. Strikingly stupid. To use his exact words, "of no value."
But grace gives us the reason we need to say “no.” Grace is the deep “yes” of every real believer’s life. Because the Holy Spirit of God will give real sons and daughters of God the desire to say “yes” to Jesus, we can say “no” to Satan…to the world, the flesh, and the devil…to the lies he tells us that would lead us astray and stomp out our spiritual influence. But only after we say “yes” to Jesus. Otherwise, our resistance is temporary at best. Human effort will wear out. You will, as a mere man, get tired. You only have so many “no’s in you apart from the power of God the Ghost in you.
Remember Moses? He saw through the temporary attraction of being in Pharaoh’s family and said “yes” to the deeper call of God upon his life by owning up to who he really was. And remember Jesus himself? He endured the cross and said “yes” because of a deeper love for his Father.
If your life is a list of ridiculous rules with no reasoning, get a clue. Jesus demands more than “white knuckle Christianity” from those who say they truly follow him. And he delivers more than that as well. He delivers a power through his Spirit that enables us to do more than resist; it allows us to persist. Chase his will. Follow hard after him. Fight the good fight and finish the course. If that’s what you really want, then live for the deeper “yes” – knowing Jesus. Only in “knowing Him” does “no-ing them” make any sense and contain any lasting significance.
The New Testament lays out the same process and principle in Colossians 2 and Titus 2. Paul taught us in both places (Col. 2:20-23 and Titus 2:11-14) that there is both a “no” and a “yes” in the life of every believer. We should deny worldliness and ungodliness; we should resist sin; we should stand against our enemy, Satan. But a life that consists of only “no’s” – rules with no reasoning – leads to frustration and eventually a hypocritical existence (see Col. 2:23). Paul bluntly said that a life of only “no’s” is beyond boring. It is insanely futile. Blindly useless. Strikingly stupid. To use his exact words, "of no value."
But grace gives us the reason we need to say “no.” Grace is the deep “yes” of every real believer’s life. Because the Holy Spirit of God will give real sons and daughters of God the desire to say “yes” to Jesus, we can say “no” to Satan…to the world, the flesh, and the devil…to the lies he tells us that would lead us astray and stomp out our spiritual influence. But only after we say “yes” to Jesus. Otherwise, our resistance is temporary at best. Human effort will wear out. You will, as a mere man, get tired. You only have so many “no’s in you apart from the power of God the Ghost in you.
Remember Moses? He saw through the temporary attraction of being in Pharaoh’s family and said “yes” to the deeper call of God upon his life by owning up to who he really was. And remember Jesus himself? He endured the cross and said “yes” because of a deeper love for his Father.
If your life is a list of ridiculous rules with no reasoning, get a clue. Jesus demands more than “white knuckle Christianity” from those who say they truly follow him. And he delivers more than that as well. He delivers a power through his Spirit that enables us to do more than resist; it allows us to persist. Chase his will. Follow hard after him. Fight the good fight and finish the course. If that’s what you really want, then live for the deeper “yes” – knowing Jesus. Only in “knowing Him” does “no-ing them” make any sense and contain any lasting significance.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Our Crazy Culture
If you ever wonder just how upside down our culture has become, watch how they punish sin/crime. Most of the time, they get it backwards.
For instance, Michael Vick engages in gambling and betting using dogs as the centerpiece attraction, even killing some of them as part of his wrongful acts. Consequently, he went to prison, underwent the proverbial “scourging” by the NFL, and was scrutinized daily for well over a year, with many commentators/media voices saying he should never be allowed back in the NFL because he isn’t “worthy.” I guess you can’t really “pay your debt to society” for certain crimes (like animal cruelty).
But Dante Stallworth gets little microscoping after his drunk driving “accident” that killed a person (yeah, a real live human with an eternal destiny in play). In fact, he only got 30 days in jail according to ESPN, and will be playing again probably. He is hardly even mentioned in other newscasts or headlines.
I guess getting greedy and killing dogs has a higher price tag than getting drunk and killing people.
But this is only the most recent in a chain of upside-down values held by our culture. Like saving whales and fish, but killing babies. Like letting a sexually sick beauty pageant judge calling a contestant a b**** on his public video blog (whatever happened to hate crimes?) with no real kickback, but letting a firestorm break out over Miss California's politley expressed opinion (which was actually an answer to a question). It's just crazy how inverted (perverted) our culture sees things!
For instance, Michael Vick engages in gambling and betting using dogs as the centerpiece attraction, even killing some of them as part of his wrongful acts. Consequently, he went to prison, underwent the proverbial “scourging” by the NFL, and was scrutinized daily for well over a year, with many commentators/media voices saying he should never be allowed back in the NFL because he isn’t “worthy.” I guess you can’t really “pay your debt to society” for certain crimes (like animal cruelty).
But Dante Stallworth gets little microscoping after his drunk driving “accident” that killed a person (yeah, a real live human with an eternal destiny in play). In fact, he only got 30 days in jail according to ESPN, and will be playing again probably. He is hardly even mentioned in other newscasts or headlines.
I guess getting greedy and killing dogs has a higher price tag than getting drunk and killing people.
But this is only the most recent in a chain of upside-down values held by our culture. Like saving whales and fish, but killing babies. Like letting a sexually sick beauty pageant judge calling a contestant a b**** on his public video blog (whatever happened to hate crimes?) with no real kickback, but letting a firestorm break out over Miss California's politley expressed opinion (which was actually an answer to a question). It's just crazy how inverted (perverted) our culture sees things!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Birthday Theology
When it comes to being born, I had nothing to do with it. It was all a work of my parents. Simply put, by their own willful actions and desires, I was born.
Funny how birthdays, though, rarely celebrate the people truly responsible for the birth. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not suggesting a celebration reformation among birthdays (although my wife and I have jokingly talked about what it might look like if the kids gave the parents the gifts – we’re up for that! :) ). But let’s be honest – celebrating a birthday is more about expressing joy that, due to nothing on your part, you’re here!
There’s a theological lesson here, and you’re ahead of me, aren’t you? God birthed me spiritually. I had nothing to do with it. His grace alone brought about everything needed to birth me into God’s family. Consequently, our spiritual birthdays shouldn’t be centered on us – how “’we found Jesus” or what a good thing that happened when we “turned our life around with God.” That’s as crazy as a birthday party for a 2-year old and then thanking the little toddler for working with his/her parents and being born.
In ruminating on this one day, I was struck by the wording in Luke 15, where three things are found: a sheep, a coin, and a son. And in each case, it was all the work of the finder. The coin didn’t light a flare for the seeker; the sheep didn’t send out a S.O.S. And the son had no bargaining chips when he was seen from a long ways off. Yet, they were found, due to the grace and kindness of the finder. Period. And yes, a party followed, but not to reward the acts of the found, but rather to celebrate the fact of the find. Therein lies the best reason to throw a party – He found us!
Funny how birthdays, though, rarely celebrate the people truly responsible for the birth. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not suggesting a celebration reformation among birthdays (although my wife and I have jokingly talked about what it might look like if the kids gave the parents the gifts – we’re up for that! :) ). But let’s be honest – celebrating a birthday is more about expressing joy that, due to nothing on your part, you’re here!
There’s a theological lesson here, and you’re ahead of me, aren’t you? God birthed me spiritually. I had nothing to do with it. His grace alone brought about everything needed to birth me into God’s family. Consequently, our spiritual birthdays shouldn’t be centered on us – how “’we found Jesus” or what a good thing that happened when we “turned our life around with God.” That’s as crazy as a birthday party for a 2-year old and then thanking the little toddler for working with his/her parents and being born.
In ruminating on this one day, I was struck by the wording in Luke 15, where three things are found: a sheep, a coin, and a son. And in each case, it was all the work of the finder. The coin didn’t light a flare for the seeker; the sheep didn’t send out a S.O.S. And the son had no bargaining chips when he was seen from a long ways off. Yet, they were found, due to the grace and kindness of the finder. Period. And yes, a party followed, but not to reward the acts of the found, but rather to celebrate the fact of the find. Therein lies the best reason to throw a party – He found us!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Don't Ask! Don't Tell!
No, this isn’t the military mantra from years back pertaining to homosexuals in the armed forces. It’s my advice to parents when their kids get married and are no longer under their authority – Don’t ask! Don’t tell!
Yep, it’s true – once your kid (son or daughter) leaves and cleaves, don’t be nosy and don’t be voicy! (I made that word up, but I like it!) It’s the best bit of wisdom a parent can hear in those early days/years when they want to tell their child and their new mate just how to do everything. And how they know everything. But don’t. Seriously – back off! Let them leave and let them cleave. Those words can't happen when mom and dad are in the way.
Is this easy? Well, was childbirth painless? Of course not. But the best gift a mom/dad can give their newly married “child” is freedom and privacy. Freedom from your suggestions (which they didn’t ask for) and privacy from your parental invasion. So bite your lip – don’t ask and don’t tell! Just let them be a new couple under God’s authority, not yours. You read that right – they don’t answer to you anymore.
Why am I a little more revved up about this than normal? Because too many parents nod in agreement while they sit in church, but still act like marriage intruders to their grown children. In fact, I shared this simple principle recently in the concluding message of my “Home Run!” series (albeit a little more calmly), and you could immediately feel the tension rising in the room. Whew, I was dangling by a thread and loving it! You know why the tension got thick quick? ‘Cause people don’t know what it means to let their children leave and cleave. The grown, married kids know mom and don;t get it, and the parents know they don't get it. But nobody ever says, "Hey, you don't get it!" Today I'm saying it -- some of you ain't gettin' it!
So here it is plain and simple (as if God’s original words needed explaining…that’s funny!): Don’t ask. Don’t tell. If they want to know what you think, they’ll ask. If they want your opinion, they’ll let you know. Till they do, mums the word. Sure, they’ll make mistakes, fall, look stupid, and mess up. But they’ll learn far more and far quicker if we, the parents, stay out of the way unless we are invited. (even then, double check the invitation!)
(Here's a link to an article by a woman who writes about this in a sweeter way...enjoy! http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/2009/06/other-woman.html)
Yep, it’s true – once your kid (son or daughter) leaves and cleaves, don’t be nosy and don’t be voicy! (I made that word up, but I like it!) It’s the best bit of wisdom a parent can hear in those early days/years when they want to tell their child and their new mate just how to do everything. And how they know everything. But don’t. Seriously – back off! Let them leave and let them cleave. Those words can't happen when mom and dad are in the way.
Is this easy? Well, was childbirth painless? Of course not. But the best gift a mom/dad can give their newly married “child” is freedom and privacy. Freedom from your suggestions (which they didn’t ask for) and privacy from your parental invasion. So bite your lip – don’t ask and don’t tell! Just let them be a new couple under God’s authority, not yours. You read that right – they don’t answer to you anymore.
Why am I a little more revved up about this than normal? Because too many parents nod in agreement while they sit in church, but still act like marriage intruders to their grown children. In fact, I shared this simple principle recently in the concluding message of my “Home Run!” series (albeit a little more calmly), and you could immediately feel the tension rising in the room. Whew, I was dangling by a thread and loving it! You know why the tension got thick quick? ‘Cause people don’t know what it means to let their children leave and cleave. The grown, married kids know mom and don;t get it, and the parents know they don't get it. But nobody ever says, "Hey, you don't get it!" Today I'm saying it -- some of you ain't gettin' it!
So here it is plain and simple (as if God’s original words needed explaining…that’s funny!): Don’t ask. Don’t tell. If they want to know what you think, they’ll ask. If they want your opinion, they’ll let you know. Till they do, mums the word. Sure, they’ll make mistakes, fall, look stupid, and mess up. But they’ll learn far more and far quicker if we, the parents, stay out of the way unless we are invited. (even then, double check the invitation!)
(Here's a link to an article by a woman who writes about this in a sweeter way...enjoy! http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/2009/06/other-woman.html)
Monday, June 1, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Under Wonder
Ever notice how when we use the word “under,” even in a negative sense, we often mean engulfed? Like saturated. Overtaken. Totally wrapped up. Like when someone says, “I’m under some big stress at home” … or “I’m really under a load at work.” Even in a literal and more positive sense, under still means much the same thing. Like when we watch one of our kids go under water at the pool or beach (aren’t you glad summer is here!), we see the same thing – they are swallowed up. Engulfed. Or when someone has us under their spell (like when you first met the girl/guy who is now your spouse)…you get the picture, right? In this way, under indicates that something or someone has totally captivated us, whether good or bad, and surrounds us in most every way.
Well, I am under wonder this weekend. Yep, I am engulfed with amazement; captivated by astonishment. I am left speechless and breathless by the waves of God’s ingenious creativity. I am totally wrapped up and saturated by the wonder of Him.
Okay, I know I should live in that place all the time, but I’m probably more human than I like to admit, and sometimes I’m not under wonder at all: I’m unfortunately sometimes just selfishly impressed with God. You know, times when he did something for me, or I benefitted from his character, so suddenly I see how good God is. Pretty shallow, eh? Sometimes I’m more like an immature kid who is happy with God when I get my way.
But prepping for and teaching this “Home Run” series has put me under – way under wonder! And while I have been sensing my wonder-meter rising over the past few weeks, it red-lined (in a good way) this week while running one morning. I was talking with God, listening to him, and just meditating on his wisdom and creativity regarding many aspects of this thing we call “home.” Things like how God has designed and wired males and females, how he has structured the most basic relationships to cooperate and connect in what is known as a family, how his wisdom in roles brings so much joy and prevents so much damage and hurt...on and on I could go! The mystery and vastness of it all -- biologically, physically, spiritually, emotionally, chemically -- just began to overwhelm me; I found myself under wonder right there in the middle of my morning jog!
Granted – I had spent much of the week getting ready to talk about sex from God’s point of view, so there was even more good reason to be stoked! But it was precisely the ingenious chemistry involved in that issue that put me over the top – what a gift God invented! And when enjoyed within his parameters, well, it put me under wonder. (There’s so much more I want to say about that subject, especially in light of all the perversion that goes in our culture. But let me instead just refer you to the message posted on our site – www.firstfamilyministries.com and then click on Listen. That will do more than I can do here.)
But it’s not just the biblical beauty of sex that got me revved up…under wonder. The whole man/woman/children/family thing has stirred me for weeks! I just find myself more and more awed with God, not solely because of his work, but because of his wisdom. From original creation to spiritual redemption to daily sanctification to physical satisfaction, God just knows best! There’s not an area where his wisdom isn’t seen! That’s why I’m under wonder! Saturated. Overtaken. Totally wrapped up. Engulfed. Swallowed whole. Surrounded. Captivated. Speechless. Wowed.
‘Nuff said.
Well, I am under wonder this weekend. Yep, I am engulfed with amazement; captivated by astonishment. I am left speechless and breathless by the waves of God’s ingenious creativity. I am totally wrapped up and saturated by the wonder of Him.
Okay, I know I should live in that place all the time, but I’m probably more human than I like to admit, and sometimes I’m not under wonder at all: I’m unfortunately sometimes just selfishly impressed with God. You know, times when he did something for me, or I benefitted from his character, so suddenly I see how good God is. Pretty shallow, eh? Sometimes I’m more like an immature kid who is happy with God when I get my way.
But prepping for and teaching this “Home Run” series has put me under – way under wonder! And while I have been sensing my wonder-meter rising over the past few weeks, it red-lined (in a good way) this week while running one morning. I was talking with God, listening to him, and just meditating on his wisdom and creativity regarding many aspects of this thing we call “home.” Things like how God has designed and wired males and females, how he has structured the most basic relationships to cooperate and connect in what is known as a family, how his wisdom in roles brings so much joy and prevents so much damage and hurt...on and on I could go! The mystery and vastness of it all -- biologically, physically, spiritually, emotionally, chemically -- just began to overwhelm me; I found myself under wonder right there in the middle of my morning jog!
Granted – I had spent much of the week getting ready to talk about sex from God’s point of view, so there was even more good reason to be stoked! But it was precisely the ingenious chemistry involved in that issue that put me over the top – what a gift God invented! And when enjoyed within his parameters, well, it put me under wonder. (There’s so much more I want to say about that subject, especially in light of all the perversion that goes in our culture. But let me instead just refer you to the message posted on our site – www.firstfamilyministries.com and then click on Listen. That will do more than I can do here.)
But it’s not just the biblical beauty of sex that got me revved up…under wonder. The whole man/woman/children/family thing has stirred me for weeks! I just find myself more and more awed with God, not solely because of his work, but because of his wisdom. From original creation to spiritual redemption to daily sanctification to physical satisfaction, God just knows best! There’s not an area where his wisdom isn’t seen! That’s why I’m under wonder! Saturated. Overtaken. Totally wrapped up. Engulfed. Swallowed whole. Surrounded. Captivated. Speechless. Wowed.
‘Nuff said.
Friday, May 22, 2009
XX and XY
Even though my last video post contains similar info, I also like this insightful devo that Mike H. brought to my attention. It does a great job of succintly showing some of the God-created differences between men (XY) and women (XX). Even down to the chromosonic level (yep, I may have just made up a word), we are just simply different. That's not something to curse; that's something to celebrate! See if you don't come away more grateful and ready to throw a party after reading this...
"Our chemistry corresponds in varying degrees to our primary family roles. Men have 15 times more testosterone than women. They are generally stronger and sweat more. This is good for men when they are out subduing the earth. Women have 10 times the amount of estrogen, which gives them greater endurance. They can endure more pain, and they live longer. This is good for women when they're bearing a child and raising it.
Men score higher in levels of aggression, dominance, and self-confidence, women in nurturance, empathy, and intimacy. Men take more chances and die sooner. Women are more cautious and stabilize their environment, creating longer life for all. Men are more direct and linear in their speech and reasoning, less concerned about the impact on others, whereas women are more indirect and connective. Men seek competition to greater degrees than women. Women seek cooperation in higher degrees then men. Men consistently score higher in math, science, and economics, women in philosophy, human relations, and verbal skills.
Why should these differences be so threatening? The issue isn't equality—that's a given. Nor is it about superiority and inferiority. It's about men being stronger than women and women being stronger than men in different and complementary ways rooted in creation." (John Ensor in Matters of the Heart)
Consider it today's handful of vitamins as you train to hit more "home" runs!
"Our chemistry corresponds in varying degrees to our primary family roles. Men have 15 times more testosterone than women. They are generally stronger and sweat more. This is good for men when they are out subduing the earth. Women have 10 times the amount of estrogen, which gives them greater endurance. They can endure more pain, and they live longer. This is good for women when they're bearing a child and raising it.
Men score higher in levels of aggression, dominance, and self-confidence, women in nurturance, empathy, and intimacy. Men take more chances and die sooner. Women are more cautious and stabilize their environment, creating longer life for all. Men are more direct and linear in their speech and reasoning, less concerned about the impact on others, whereas women are more indirect and connective. Men seek competition to greater degrees than women. Women seek cooperation in higher degrees then men. Men consistently score higher in math, science, and economics, women in philosophy, human relations, and verbal skills.
Why should these differences be so threatening? The issue isn't equality—that's a given. Nor is it about superiority and inferiority. It's about men being stronger than women and women being stronger than men in different and complementary ways rooted in creation." (John Ensor in Matters of the Heart)
Consider it today's handful of vitamins as you train to hit more "home" runs!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Mito Mom
It's 'crazy good' how God made women...here's an excerpt from Mother's Day that'll give you a peek into the wonder of his creation! (Recording volume wasn't set real well...good luck!)
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Is Mom a Fruity Tooty?
Okay, I just scribbled that title up there to get your attention. But I do want to take a moment and encourage moms and wives everywhere to realize their full, God-given potential to be the "fruitful vine" in their home (at least I got the word 'fruit' in there, so this isn't a total bait-and-switch blog).
To be sure, it’s not just dads who need to reject negativity and embrace an optimistic outlook on life. So do moms. And perhaps more so! After all, we all delightfully know the impact of a “fruitful vine” (Psalm 128:3) as it winds its way through our home bringing nourishment, life, and joy. And we all dreadfully understand the consequences of a “negative whine” (Proverbs 21:9, 19) that drips poison into every nook and cranny like an invisible IV line of pessimism in our houses.
I’m treading on some thin ice probably, but let me go ahead and dance for moment (all the while praying that the temperature doesn’t rise so my thin ice stays somewhat stable!). Few things can drain a home of its laughter and love like a constantly cranky woman. I hope you’ve never been around one, but if you have, you are probably nodding in agreement right now. In fact, I bet you’re thinking even now of that the old adage, “If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” The stark reality is that women have that kind of power and influence; it’s much of the thought behind the phrase “fruitful vine.”
Think about it – a vine feeds the fruit. It carries the essential elements for survival. It connects the various parts of the plant. It relays the necessary ingredients for blossoming. Truth is, if the vine dies, so does everything attached to it. That’s a lot of power.
I think there are at least two primary ways a mom/wife can be a powerful influence in a positive way:
1. Refuse to make sarcastic and doubtful comments (like Sara in Genesis 18). This kind of action undermines faith. Instead, speak words of blessing, encouragement, and hope. Embrace the possibilities of what God could do.
2. Reject the temptation to manipulate circumstances for the purpose of secretly getting your way (like Rebekah did in Genesis 27). This kind of action only undermines authority. Instead, stay unified with your husband and keep everything necessary out in the open. This kind of transparency will breed an unbelievable sense of optimism in everyone.
If moms and wives don’t use their power well, what’s the potential (and scary) result? If a child who grows up in a home where doubt and sarcasm are constantly spoken, and where secrecy and manipulation are always the first action of choice, the chances are much higher that you’ll have an adult one day who probably struggles with anxiety/depression and has issues with most authority figures. Not a pretty picture, is it?
Here’s to “fruitful vines” during this Mothers’ Day week…more power to ya’!
Monday, May 4, 2009
Star Trek Sons: Big T
Check out today's blog via the InkLink cam!
Hear the full Star Trek Sons message by clicking here.
Or go to www.firstfamilyministries.com and click on 'Listen.'
Hear the full Star Trek Sons message by clicking here.
Or go to www.firstfamilyministries.com and click on 'Listen.'
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
The Father Factor Part 2 (with less apologies to Bill O'Reilly)
5. Emphasize character formation (internal), not just cultural fads (external). As you’re having lots of conversations, use that platform to drive home your deep values (character traits, not just physical attributes). While the Bible is your best source for proactive conversations, fodder for reactive conversations can be found in the media. Why? It’s simple – it’s the one outlet that will be most opposed to what you’re trying to emphasize. Face it – the radio, TV, Internet, movie screen (and more!) will scream at your kids for years with both subliminal and open messages that are predominantly based on externals. It’s all very surfacy! You can run from it if you want, but that’s not the best way to equip them to deal with it for the rest of their life. Instead, challenge the media when you can from a biblical point of view. Talk about what you all have just heard, seen, or read and ask questions. Little by little you’ll instill in them what matters most – that God sees the heart first!
6. Refuse to criticize; reject negativity. Our words and attitudes are powerful elements when it comes to being a factor in the atmosphere of our home, so do all you can to keep criticism away from your address. Be positive! I’m not advocating a giddiness about society; there is a realism we need to grapple with. But I do wholeheartedly encourage all men to run towards a positive outlook and to say “No” to pessimism. Our faith in God means we can look up, have hope, and keep smiling!
7. Write it down and pass it on. We all think our kids will remember our words of wisdom. Guess what? They probably won’t. Don’t get me wrong – they might try, but they simply won’t. Generally, they’ll remember very little of what you say, but they will read most of what you write down. But writing and keeping our family legacies and memories isn’t high on most men’s to do list. Guess what? I’m suggesting it move up in priority on yours, especially if you want to factor in when you leave the scene. How? Sure, you can take the official approach of wills and testaments. I prefer the unofficial approach of writing letters, sending notes, leaving cards, and giving symbols. If the Old Testament families knew that keeping a spiritual legacy intact meant writing it down, and they found a way to pass it on with stones and tablets, how much better should we be able to accomplish that goal with all the extra technological add-ons we enjoy?!
6. Refuse to criticize; reject negativity. Our words and attitudes are powerful elements when it comes to being a factor in the atmosphere of our home, so do all you can to keep criticism away from your address. Be positive! I’m not advocating a giddiness about society; there is a realism we need to grapple with. But I do wholeheartedly encourage all men to run towards a positive outlook and to say “No” to pessimism. Our faith in God means we can look up, have hope, and keep smiling!
7. Write it down and pass it on. We all think our kids will remember our words of wisdom. Guess what? They probably won’t. Don’t get me wrong – they might try, but they simply won’t. Generally, they’ll remember very little of what you say, but they will read most of what you write down. But writing and keeping our family legacies and memories isn’t high on most men’s to do list. Guess what? I’m suggesting it move up in priority on yours, especially if you want to factor in when you leave the scene. How? Sure, you can take the official approach of wills and testaments. I prefer the unofficial approach of writing letters, sending notes, leaving cards, and giving symbols. If the Old Testament families knew that keeping a spiritual legacy intact meant writing it down, and they found a way to pass it on with stones and tablets, how much better should we be able to accomplish that goal with all the extra technological add-ons we enjoy?!
The Father Factor Part 1 (with apologies to Bill O'Reilly)
For those who listened to my message, “The Father Factor,” and are checking out these hints as a result, thanks for stopping by. If you haven’t heard the message and are curious what this post is all about, consider it a collection of pointers on how to be a major “factor” in the life of your family. That’ll suffice as an intro (if only I could speak that quickly, eh?)
1. Model what you expect and include them when you can. Nothing carries greater weight than a walking, living example. So if you want to be a factor in their physical development, then keep your weight off, and even try and exercise with them as they get older. If you want them to spend wisely and save weekly, do it yourself first. If you want them to learn self control, then you respond calmly to your spouse. If you want to pass on a lifelong skill that has helped you, then you show them how, in addition to telling them how. As parents age, we tend to become “armchair” moms and dads, using our voice more than our lives. Stay committed to walking with them, not just speaking at them.
2. Adjust to the seasons of the journey. Family life is all about seasons of life, and you can be a major factor if you approach it in that way. For instance, when your kids are little, parenting just takes a lot of time. And I mean a lot! So adjust your work and hobbies accordingly. As they age, however, you’ll have more discretionary time (but less money probably!). When that starts occurring, adjust again. You get the point, right? I’ve discovered that often men want to live with a 2-year old like they have a son or daughter who is a 12-year old. Or a 22-year old. The result? Frustration! If we don’t adjust to the season we’re in, our expectations are never in line with reality, and that can lead to major problems.
3. Learn the “Pace Principle.” In a nutshell, the Pace Principle is all about being quickest when they’re youngest. I wrote about this in an earlier blog, but let me expand here a bit and say that, as kids mature and age, you don’t have to be quite as quick. This is no big surprise – As kids become more self-sufficient and less dependent, you, in turn, can become more trustworthy and less intrusive. Ideally, that’s a good thing! In fact, as your children enter the years where they are thinking more abstractly, you want to be more choosy with your actions and words. This doesn’t mean you’re slow, but you do have a little more time on the shot clock to work with (to use a basketball analogy).
4. Ask lots of questions…and listen to the answers. Questions breed conversation, and few things help you get to know your child/spouse like conversations. It’s the stuff relationships are made of! And it’s how we can be a significant factor. Of course, parents have long been labeled with the “you-never-listen-to-me” stigma, so once you ask, listen. And listen all the way to the end. Then ask more questions! Odd as it may sound, most kids provide their own answers – and yours! – if you ask enough questions. Keep in mind this doesn’t mean you agree; it simply means you’re polite. And when it is your turn to talk, you’ll be glad you modeled what courtesy looks like.
[Click here for Part 2]
1. Model what you expect and include them when you can. Nothing carries greater weight than a walking, living example. So if you want to be a factor in their physical development, then keep your weight off, and even try and exercise with them as they get older. If you want them to spend wisely and save weekly, do it yourself first. If you want them to learn self control, then you respond calmly to your spouse. If you want to pass on a lifelong skill that has helped you, then you show them how, in addition to telling them how. As parents age, we tend to become “armchair” moms and dads, using our voice more than our lives. Stay committed to walking with them, not just speaking at them.
2. Adjust to the seasons of the journey. Family life is all about seasons of life, and you can be a major factor if you approach it in that way. For instance, when your kids are little, parenting just takes a lot of time. And I mean a lot! So adjust your work and hobbies accordingly. As they age, however, you’ll have more discretionary time (but less money probably!). When that starts occurring, adjust again. You get the point, right? I’ve discovered that often men want to live with a 2-year old like they have a son or daughter who is a 12-year old. Or a 22-year old. The result? Frustration! If we don’t adjust to the season we’re in, our expectations are never in line with reality, and that can lead to major problems.
3. Learn the “Pace Principle.” In a nutshell, the Pace Principle is all about being quickest when they’re youngest. I wrote about this in an earlier blog, but let me expand here a bit and say that, as kids mature and age, you don’t have to be quite as quick. This is no big surprise – As kids become more self-sufficient and less dependent, you, in turn, can become more trustworthy and less intrusive. Ideally, that’s a good thing! In fact, as your children enter the years where they are thinking more abstractly, you want to be more choosy with your actions and words. This doesn’t mean you’re slow, but you do have a little more time on the shot clock to work with (to use a basketball analogy).
4. Ask lots of questions…and listen to the answers. Questions breed conversation, and few things help you get to know your child/spouse like conversations. It’s the stuff relationships are made of! And it’s how we can be a significant factor. Of course, parents have long been labeled with the “you-never-listen-to-me” stigma, so once you ask, listen. And listen all the way to the end. Then ask more questions! Odd as it may sound, most kids provide their own answers – and yours! – if you ask enough questions. Keep in mind this doesn’t mean you agree; it simply means you’re polite. And when it is your turn to talk, you’ll be glad you modeled what courtesy looks like.
[Click here for Part 2]
Monday, April 20, 2009
Home Run? No Way...I'm Pooped!
Few messages have generated as much feedback from men as the one I delivered to our church family this past Sunday. And no wonder – whenever you ask men to stay engaged at home – to stay connected and involved after work – you’ll get plenty of responses.
I’m glad they felt they could respond! Truth is, 99% of the men who either emailed me, called me, or spoke with me face to face were wanting to do exactly that – stay engaged! “We want to, but how?” they’d ask.
So here’s a couple of suggestions from one who is in the trenches with you. One who struggles like you do to be “dad and hubby” after a long day. One who knows my kids want my best but I feel like all I have left sometimes is my worst. Yeah, that’s me more than I want to admit. Here’s what I do to stay engaged at home (most of the time):
Firstly, win one battle at a time. Sometimes if I look at the whole evening at one time, I can get a little overwhelmed. But if I just take the evening one question at a time – “Dad, wanna play soccer?” “Hey dad, let’s go bike riding!” “Honey, can you set the table?” “Dad, I need $20 for a team dinner tomorrow.” “Dad, can I get a ride to my friend’s?” “I need help with my homework, dad.” – I do much better. Face it, that many questions can be intimidating. But if I just simply address the one question asked of me at that moment, then try and resolve it honestly, I’ve stayed engaged, helped my family, and avoided red-lining due to our version of the Inquisition.
Secondly, stay in shape. You probably don’t want to hear this, but one of the reasons some men tire easily is because they are out of shape, overweight, and wrongly nourished. For instance, getting a sugar high at work may make you feel revved for an intense meeting, but at some point – usually later that night at home – you’re left dry. It’s what I call the “High and Dry Syndrome” – we get high for work and end up dry for our family. Why? One reason could be bad eating habits.
Another reason could be a lack of motion/exercise. Before you click out of this screen, bear with me a little longer. When you are out of shape and in less-than-desirable cardio condition, you will run out of energy faster because your body has to work harder. But when men are in decent shape, they can stay engaged and involved longer (like at home after work!); their bodies last past 5:00! Personally, I didn’t think it would happen, but I watched my energy level increase when I started getting up early and exercising. Odd, ain’t it? I started expending energy and felt better! An added benefit is that you are emotionally better fit as well, as exercising releases endorphins, God’s natural chemicals that help you feel relaxed and stress-free.
Remember -- energy isn’t created or destroyed; it is only changed, transferred or utilized. In the world of exercise, think about like this: when you start moving, it helps you keep moving. Why? Because you have accessed your stored energy and utilized it, which, in turn, releases endorphins and makes you feel better. And when you feel better, you usually want to engage. Stay connected. Believe it or not, getting in shape will help you find renewed energy for the ones who matter most.
Now drop and crank out 50 pushups…your wife and kids will thank you later.
I’m glad they felt they could respond! Truth is, 99% of the men who either emailed me, called me, or spoke with me face to face were wanting to do exactly that – stay engaged! “We want to, but how?” they’d ask.
So here’s a couple of suggestions from one who is in the trenches with you. One who struggles like you do to be “dad and hubby” after a long day. One who knows my kids want my best but I feel like all I have left sometimes is my worst. Yeah, that’s me more than I want to admit. Here’s what I do to stay engaged at home (most of the time):
Firstly, win one battle at a time. Sometimes if I look at the whole evening at one time, I can get a little overwhelmed. But if I just take the evening one question at a time – “Dad, wanna play soccer?” “Hey dad, let’s go bike riding!” “Honey, can you set the table?” “Dad, I need $20 for a team dinner tomorrow.” “Dad, can I get a ride to my friend’s?” “I need help with my homework, dad.” – I do much better. Face it, that many questions can be intimidating. But if I just simply address the one question asked of me at that moment, then try and resolve it honestly, I’ve stayed engaged, helped my family, and avoided red-lining due to our version of the Inquisition.
Secondly, stay in shape. You probably don’t want to hear this, but one of the reasons some men tire easily is because they are out of shape, overweight, and wrongly nourished. For instance, getting a sugar high at work may make you feel revved for an intense meeting, but at some point – usually later that night at home – you’re left dry. It’s what I call the “High and Dry Syndrome” – we get high for work and end up dry for our family. Why? One reason could be bad eating habits.
Another reason could be a lack of motion/exercise. Before you click out of this screen, bear with me a little longer. When you are out of shape and in less-than-desirable cardio condition, you will run out of energy faster because your body has to work harder. But when men are in decent shape, they can stay engaged and involved longer (like at home after work!); their bodies last past 5:00! Personally, I didn’t think it would happen, but I watched my energy level increase when I started getting up early and exercising. Odd, ain’t it? I started expending energy and felt better! An added benefit is that you are emotionally better fit as well, as exercising releases endorphins, God’s natural chemicals that help you feel relaxed and stress-free.
Remember -- energy isn’t created or destroyed; it is only changed, transferred or utilized. In the world of exercise, think about like this: when you start moving, it helps you keep moving. Why? Because you have accessed your stored energy and utilized it, which, in turn, releases endorphins and makes you feel better. And when you feel better, you usually want to engage. Stay connected. Believe it or not, getting in shape will help you find renewed energy for the ones who matter most.
Now drop and crank out 50 pushups…your wife and kids will thank you later.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Simple Parenting: Pick Up the Pace!
Simple parenting has a good deal to do with pace. So much so that I have come to believe this basic principle about mommyhood and daddyhood in the early years: When kids are young, parents have to be quick-footed and fast-fingered. In four words? Pick up the pace!
Perhaps some illustrations might shed some more light on what I mean by this phrase.
Say you’re preparing supper, and your 1.5 year old, who has been walking a few months now, decides to check out the stovetop – which has two eyes “on” – about the time you are setting the dishes on to the table. Are you going to take the time, hands full of plates and silverware, to explain yourself, hoping he or she will listen? Probably not. Your best bet is to get to the stove quick; that becomes the immediate priority. Your curious child needs a fast-paced parent who will take charge and make a decision that is in the best interest of everybody. Pick up the pace.
You’re at the mall with your newly potty-trained toddler, when suddenly he or she says, “I gotta go potty.” You can scold him or her for no bladder control for the next half hour, maybe beg him or her to hold it, perhaps even try and bargain your way to a few more minutes in the shoe aisle. But your best bet is to move quickly and find a bathroom. No excuses; just locate a toilet quick. ‘Cause no matter what you do or say, kids that age need a fast-paced parent who will take charge and make a decision that is in the best interest of everybody. Pick up the pace.
You’re visiting a friend, and your young child explores the kitchen drawers, finding the good, sharp scissors. You notice his continued curiosity from the table, but instead of acting quickly, you assume he’ll know they sharp. Or that he’ll know what you’re thinking – “Don’t play with the scissors.” Or that he’ll be polite and put them back promptly. Yeah, right. And though a simple “No” should suffice, the risk of sharp scissors is too great to assume a verbal suggestion will work. It needs to be accompanied by quick feet. Speak and move with haste! ‘Cause no matter what you do or say, kids that age need a fast-paced parent who will take charge and make a decision that is in the best interest of everybody. Pick up the pace.
There’s just no way around it – small children need fast-paced parents. If you’re into long dialogue and explanations with 2 year olds, you’ll probably struggle. (strike the word “probably” … you will struggle.) What little kids need is action. So pick up the pace. Frankly, less explanation and more action would do many small kids a world of good. In my simple opinion, there’s just too many words floating around in the parenting world, and not near enough solid action. We’ve got way too much reasoning going on and not enough responding. No wonder we have a world full of tired and worn out parents; we’ve talked ourselves to death!
Remember, however, you can still be quickly responsive while relaxed; don’t confuse the two. Likewise, don’t think that being fast with action is the same s being rash or hasty. Not at all! You can move quickly to rescue a little toddler from self-destruction, settle a situation between siblings, or resolve a crisis before it erupts and still do it in the right attitude. Quick and calm can go together. Try it – it works amazingly well!
And I’m not saying you should never talk. Just know when to talk. With small children, talking is best before or after. “During” rarely works when they’re little. That’s when your feet and hands need to do the talking. So swing into action, then explain later. Truth us, when parents show a lack of speed to step in, it usually indicates a lack of authority. You’ll hear some parents say, “I’m just patient.” I think that’s code for “I’m afraid.”
Say what you will, I firmly believe in simple parenting. And one of the simplest tips that has helped me the most is this: Pick up the pace!
Gotta run….little Johnny just stuck his hand in my pet piranha tank. No time to talk!
Perhaps some illustrations might shed some more light on what I mean by this phrase.
Say you’re preparing supper, and your 1.5 year old, who has been walking a few months now, decides to check out the stovetop – which has two eyes “on” – about the time you are setting the dishes on to the table. Are you going to take the time, hands full of plates and silverware, to explain yourself, hoping he or she will listen? Probably not. Your best bet is to get to the stove quick; that becomes the immediate priority. Your curious child needs a fast-paced parent who will take charge and make a decision that is in the best interest of everybody. Pick up the pace.
You’re at the mall with your newly potty-trained toddler, when suddenly he or she says, “I gotta go potty.” You can scold him or her for no bladder control for the next half hour, maybe beg him or her to hold it, perhaps even try and bargain your way to a few more minutes in the shoe aisle. But your best bet is to move quickly and find a bathroom. No excuses; just locate a toilet quick. ‘Cause no matter what you do or say, kids that age need a fast-paced parent who will take charge and make a decision that is in the best interest of everybody. Pick up the pace.
You’re visiting a friend, and your young child explores the kitchen drawers, finding the good, sharp scissors. You notice his continued curiosity from the table, but instead of acting quickly, you assume he’ll know they sharp. Or that he’ll know what you’re thinking – “Don’t play with the scissors.” Or that he’ll be polite and put them back promptly. Yeah, right. And though a simple “No” should suffice, the risk of sharp scissors is too great to assume a verbal suggestion will work. It needs to be accompanied by quick feet. Speak and move with haste! ‘Cause no matter what you do or say, kids that age need a fast-paced parent who will take charge and make a decision that is in the best interest of everybody. Pick up the pace.
There’s just no way around it – small children need fast-paced parents. If you’re into long dialogue and explanations with 2 year olds, you’ll probably struggle. (strike the word “probably” … you will struggle.) What little kids need is action. So pick up the pace. Frankly, less explanation and more action would do many small kids a world of good. In my simple opinion, there’s just too many words floating around in the parenting world, and not near enough solid action. We’ve got way too much reasoning going on and not enough responding. No wonder we have a world full of tired and worn out parents; we’ve talked ourselves to death!
Remember, however, you can still be quickly responsive while relaxed; don’t confuse the two. Likewise, don’t think that being fast with action is the same s being rash or hasty. Not at all! You can move quickly to rescue a little toddler from self-destruction, settle a situation between siblings, or resolve a crisis before it erupts and still do it in the right attitude. Quick and calm can go together. Try it – it works amazingly well!
And I’m not saying you should never talk. Just know when to talk. With small children, talking is best before or after. “During” rarely works when they’re little. That’s when your feet and hands need to do the talking. So swing into action, then explain later. Truth us, when parents show a lack of speed to step in, it usually indicates a lack of authority. You’ll hear some parents say, “I’m just patient.” I think that’s code for “I’m afraid.”
Say what you will, I firmly believe in simple parenting. And one of the simplest tips that has helped me the most is this: Pick up the pace!
Gotta run….little Johnny just stuck his hand in my pet piranha tank. No time to talk!
Monday, April 6, 2009
Why I Feel Like the Town Sheriff
I'm about to begin a new teaching series at our church called "Home Run: Rounding the Bases of Your Most Important Relationships" (Psalm 128), and I feel somewhat like the town sheriff -- people will either love me or hate me.
Okay, I'm being a little hyperbolic, but let me explain. The lowdown on family-type series is that they “leave me out" ‘cause someone is either single, an empty nester, divorced, etc. It's like a default response to the notion that all series on relationships have to be cemented within the marriage parameter. But why not a series where home and family, and the relationships that stem from that home and family, are the focus. After all, we're all part of a family; we're still in a home even if we're not still at home.
Think about it like this...Everyone is either a father, mother, son or daughter. No exceptions! You are part of a family. Your physical location to that family may have changed, but your genetic connection is still intact. In other words, your role may have changed, but your relation hasn’t!
For instance, I’ll always be a son to two people – Roger and Betty Stiles! Has my role changed? Sure! But has my relation changed? No – I am still a son and always will be! Sure, I am other things as well, and while adding a role may change a previous one, it doesn’t cancel it! That's my goal -- to help us hit a home run in our core relationships, no matter what role they have taken.
So I'm looking forward to this new series. And I want listeners to give it an honest hearing. Because it’s not all about your present role, but also your timeless relation. And what I’ll be asking from all of us over the next several weeks is this: Be the father/mother/son/daughter you are – hit a “home run” when it comes to that core identity! As you swing away for that fence, you'll discover new joy in the relationships that matter most on this earth – those that constitute your physical family.
Okay, I'm being a little hyperbolic, but let me explain. The lowdown on family-type series is that they “leave me out" ‘cause someone is either single, an empty nester, divorced, etc. It's like a default response to the notion that all series on relationships have to be cemented within the marriage parameter. But why not a series where home and family, and the relationships that stem from that home and family, are the focus. After all, we're all part of a family; we're still in a home even if we're not still at home.
Think about it like this...Everyone is either a father, mother, son or daughter. No exceptions! You are part of a family. Your physical location to that family may have changed, but your genetic connection is still intact. In other words, your role may have changed, but your relation hasn’t!
For instance, I’ll always be a son to two people – Roger and Betty Stiles! Has my role changed? Sure! But has my relation changed? No – I am still a son and always will be! Sure, I am other things as well, and while adding a role may change a previous one, it doesn’t cancel it! That's my goal -- to help us hit a home run in our core relationships, no matter what role they have taken.
So I'm looking forward to this new series. And I want listeners to give it an honest hearing. Because it’s not all about your present role, but also your timeless relation. And what I’ll be asking from all of us over the next several weeks is this: Be the father/mother/son/daughter you are – hit a “home run” when it comes to that core identity! As you swing away for that fence, you'll discover new joy in the relationships that matter most on this earth – those that constitute your physical family.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Baseball and the Beave
I really like baseball season! Opening day, an afternoon game at Principal Park, the playoffs…gotta love spring’s sport.
I also like Jerry Mathers (Uhm, FYI - that’s Wally’s brother, the Beave on “Leave it to Beaver.”) Has there ever been a better show about family? Granted – the exclusive dinner jacket on Ward and the exquisite dishwashing pearls on June are far from realistic, but then again, when has TV ever been realistic. (Like Jack Bauer is anymore “real” than Beaver Cleaver?)
So what’s the connection? I’ve been prepping for my upcoming series on the family – “Home Run!” -- and baseball and the Beav keep coming to mind. They keep reminding me that there is no better place to swing for the fences – hit a homerun! -- than with my family. (Yeah, I know, lame connection, but it works in my small mind!) So many times we give our best “swing” to everyone else, when home is really where we ought to be hitting our best!
Seriously, what a perfect time of the year to start thinking about the most important place on earth: your home. Your dug out. Your family’s locker room. The place where you take off your cleats and hang up your jersey each night, all smelly and dirty…and everyone understands. The best place to swing away with a 3-0 count, ‘cuz missing doesn’t mean you’re cut from the team. The one field where you can boot a ground ball and still come out next inning. Where the fans are all related, and the cheers are loud and long. Where team dinners are the best part of game day, practice ends with a tuck in, and coach is called mom. Or dad.
Ah, baseball and the Beave. Sort of makes you think differently about “home” field advantage.
I also like Jerry Mathers (Uhm, FYI - that’s Wally’s brother, the Beave on “Leave it to Beaver.”) Has there ever been a better show about family? Granted – the exclusive dinner jacket on Ward and the exquisite dishwashing pearls on June are far from realistic, but then again, when has TV ever been realistic. (Like Jack Bauer is anymore “real” than Beaver Cleaver?)
So what’s the connection? I’ve been prepping for my upcoming series on the family – “Home Run!” -- and baseball and the Beav keep coming to mind. They keep reminding me that there is no better place to swing for the fences – hit a homerun! -- than with my family. (Yeah, I know, lame connection, but it works in my small mind!) So many times we give our best “swing” to everyone else, when home is really where we ought to be hitting our best!
Seriously, what a perfect time of the year to start thinking about the most important place on earth: your home. Your dug out. Your family’s locker room. The place where you take off your cleats and hang up your jersey each night, all smelly and dirty…and everyone understands. The best place to swing away with a 3-0 count, ‘cuz missing doesn’t mean you’re cut from the team. The one field where you can boot a ground ball and still come out next inning. Where the fans are all related, and the cheers are loud and long. Where team dinners are the best part of game day, practice ends with a tuck in, and coach is called mom. Or dad.
Ah, baseball and the Beave. Sort of makes you think differently about “home” field advantage.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
The Power of Perspective
Nothing brings perspective like the truth. And though the truth is hard to hear, and even harder to say at times, it is the best way to gain perspective on any issue.
The truth is how God brought Jonah to the correct perspective. Sure, it was delivered in the form of a question in Jonah 4:10-11, but it is a rhetorical question, so the answer is assumed. And the answer? "You bet I shoud be concerned!" (That's my loose interpreation of God's implied answer to Jonah in the original Hebrew.)
That helped Jonah start seeeing the situation correctly instead of selfishly; that helped him start viewing people as primary, his own comfort as secondary (at best); that helpped him gain God's perspetive about others: they matter!
Yep, nothing like to truth to help us see things correctly. Check out the way this young college girl used it to help her dad have the right perspective:
“Dear Dad,
Sorry I haven’t written sooner. My arm was dramatically broken. Seriously, I broke it, and my left leg, when I jumped from the second floor of my dormitory. Oh yeah, we had a fire. But we were lucky. A young service station attendant saw the blaze and called the fire department. Fortunately, they were there in minutes. But I was in the hospital for a few days for smoke issues and the broken bones. However, Paul, the service station attendant who originally called the firefighters, came to see me every day. And because it was taking so long to get our dormitory livable again, I moved in with him. He has been so nice! I must admit, though, I was surprised when I discovered I am expecting a baby, and even more surprised when the doctor said I have something he calls a “social disease.” But don’t worry, Dad, the shots are working, and we have an abortion clinic nearby as well. Of course, Paul and I plan to get married, but he needs to get his divorce processed first. We're not sure how the custody battle will go, so for now his five kids will probably live with us. Anyway, I hope things are fine at home. I’m actually doing fine now that things have settled down a bit, and will write more when I get the chance.
Love,
Your daughter
P.S. None of the above is true. But I did get a “C” in Sociology and I flunked a Chemistry test. I just wanted you to receive the news in its proper perspective.
The truth is how God brought Jonah to the correct perspective. Sure, it was delivered in the form of a question in Jonah 4:10-11, but it is a rhetorical question, so the answer is assumed. And the answer? "You bet I shoud be concerned!" (That's my loose interpreation of God's implied answer to Jonah in the original Hebrew.)
That helped Jonah start seeeing the situation correctly instead of selfishly; that helped him start viewing people as primary, his own comfort as secondary (at best); that helpped him gain God's perspetive about others: they matter!
Yep, nothing like to truth to help us see things correctly. Check out the way this young college girl used it to help her dad have the right perspective:
“Dear Dad,
Sorry I haven’t written sooner. My arm was dramatically broken. Seriously, I broke it, and my left leg, when I jumped from the second floor of my dormitory. Oh yeah, we had a fire. But we were lucky. A young service station attendant saw the blaze and called the fire department. Fortunately, they were there in minutes. But I was in the hospital for a few days for smoke issues and the broken bones. However, Paul, the service station attendant who originally called the firefighters, came to see me every day. And because it was taking so long to get our dormitory livable again, I moved in with him. He has been so nice! I must admit, though, I was surprised when I discovered I am expecting a baby, and even more surprised when the doctor said I have something he calls a “social disease.” But don’t worry, Dad, the shots are working, and we have an abortion clinic nearby as well. Of course, Paul and I plan to get married, but he needs to get his divorce processed first. We're not sure how the custody battle will go, so for now his five kids will probably live with us. Anyway, I hope things are fine at home. I’m actually doing fine now that things have settled down a bit, and will write more when I get the chance.
Love,
Your daughter
P.S. None of the above is true. But I did get a “C” in Sociology and I flunked a Chemistry test. I just wanted you to receive the news in its proper perspective.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Justly Angry or Just Angry?
God asks 3 questions in Jonah 4, and 2 of them are somewhat similar because they both involve the issue of anger. Essentially, God asked Jonah, "Do you have a right [just casue] to be angry?" Sure, he was referring to Jonah's anger towards God the first time, and then to the vine the second time. But the fundamental issue of anger is still present.
So was God actually implying there can be just causes for anger? You bet! Don't misunderstand me -- Jonah didn't have one. But that doesn't mean there can't be one ever.
For instance, Jesus was righteously angry with the misuse of his Father's house, and he threw out the abusers (Matthew 21:12-13). And Paul said “in your anger don’t sin” (Eph. 4:26). James even instructed us to be "slow to become angry" (James 1:19). Notice he didn't say never become angry, just be slow to get angry. Why? Because quick anger is usually the wrong kind of anger; it is a man-type of anger, not a God-type of anger.
Now back to Jonah...Basically, God wanted to know if Jonah was justly angry or just angry? What's the difference? The focus of the anger! In Jonah's case, he was hoping for an end to his enemies when he should have been hoping for an end to their wickedness. He was fixated on the end result from man’s perspective when he should have been hoping for an end to their sin from God's perspective.
What's at the end of your anger -- sin or sinners? When wickedness is the focus of our anger, it's a rightoues indignation; we are justly angry. (Check out Duet. 9 for an example of God's just anger against sin, not sinners.) But when people are at the end of our anger, then we're just angry; we're selfishly upset, not righteously indignant.
Bottom line? "Love the sinner, hate the sin." (Props to the old-time preachers I grew up on!)
So was God actually implying there can be just causes for anger? You bet! Don't misunderstand me -- Jonah didn't have one. But that doesn't mean there can't be one ever.
For instance, Jesus was righteously angry with the misuse of his Father's house, and he threw out the abusers (Matthew 21:12-13). And Paul said “in your anger don’t sin” (Eph. 4:26). James even instructed us to be "slow to become angry" (James 1:19). Notice he didn't say never become angry, just be slow to get angry. Why? Because quick anger is usually the wrong kind of anger; it is a man-type of anger, not a God-type of anger.
Now back to Jonah...Basically, God wanted to know if Jonah was justly angry or just angry? What's the difference? The focus of the anger! In Jonah's case, he was hoping for an end to his enemies when he should have been hoping for an end to their wickedness. He was fixated on the end result from man’s perspective when he should have been hoping for an end to their sin from God's perspective.
What's at the end of your anger -- sin or sinners? When wickedness is the focus of our anger, it's a rightoues indignation; we are justly angry. (Check out Duet. 9 for an example of God's just anger against sin, not sinners.) But when people are at the end of our anger, then we're just angry; we're selfishly upset, not righteously indignant.
Bottom line? "Love the sinner, hate the sin." (Props to the old-time preachers I grew up on!)
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
chanCe and chanGe
One of the intriging things I find in Jonah occurs obscurely in the beginning of chapter three. As Jonah hears the word of the Lord a second time (another chanCe), he is expected to do things differently (a chanGe). And I can't help but think that these two concepts are linked! In fact, only one letter separates them!
Jonah's story helps me understand "chanCes" and "chanGes" better -- they come packaged together! The second chance I want is probably -- and rightly -- connected to the change I need. There must be a personal understanding that another opportunity (a second chanCe) should mean a different outcome (a chanGe).
When I keep those two linked, I'm much more likely to make good use of the second chanCes God gives me to chanGe my disobedience to obedience. And isn't that the point of a second chanCe -- to chanGe what I did the first time? You bet!
Ah, chanCe and chanGe...a powerful pair indeed!
Jonah's story helps me understand "chanCes" and "chanGes" better -- they come packaged together! The second chance I want is probably -- and rightly -- connected to the change I need. There must be a personal understanding that another opportunity (a second chanCe) should mean a different outcome (a chanGe).
When I keep those two linked, I'm much more likely to make good use of the second chanCes God gives me to chanGe my disobedience to obedience. And isn't that the point of a second chanCe -- to chanGe what I did the first time? You bet!
Ah, chanCe and chanGe...a powerful pair indeed!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)