Nothing Better Than Being a Dad!

It was one of my Red Letter days as a dad! Here’s how it went down…

…I was delivering an orange to my almost-17-year old daughter at Quizno’s where she works. I stepped in, spoke, and she, as always, replied politely. She made her way to me at the front of the work counter where we talked for a minute about incidentals. Knowing she needed to get back to work, I wrapped up the conversation with an update about a future college trip we’re all taking with her. She nodded with approval, then headed back to her work area, which was about 15+ feet away across the entire back of the store.

That’s when it happened – once back at her station, she turned and said to me as innocently and authentically as she did when she was 2, “Thanks, dad. Love you! See you at home.” And she said it loud enough for all the other workers to  hear! Truth is, the whole store could have heard. But she didn’t mind a bit. And neither did I!

I had already turned and was facing the door, just about to exit. But I paused and slowed my pace drastically, albeit discreetly, ‘cause I wanted to savor the sound of those words that rang out so proudly. Publicly. Boldly. Unashamedly. I felt like my chest was expanding exponentially on the spot, with my smile right behind it. I’m sure it didn’t show on the outside, but on the inside I was beaming and busting! Of course, acting somewhat suave, I stumbled out the door while responding, “Love you, too!”

Don’t misunderstand this. It’s not that those words “Love you” are rare around our house. Frankly, Bethany says them quite frequently. In fact, I don’t know if she’s ever ended a phone call with one of her parents without saying them, sometimes almost too routinely.

But this time was different. It was just one of those spontaneous outbursts that grabs you and holds you spellbound for a moment. I knew she didn’t have to say it. I knew she wasn’t 2 anymore. Or even 10. I knew she was in front of her co-workers. I knew it wasn’t the culturally cool comment to make to your “old man.” I knew all that and more.

But she knew all those things, too. And she still made sure I knew that I was loved. Without reservation or conditions. Clearly. Loudly.

Thanks, Bethany! I love being your dad!

R U a "Spant?"

Balancing two apparently opposite items is hard, eh? For instance, learning to discipline our children without exasperating them; figuring out how to save without hoarding and becoming greedy; understanding what it means to speak truthfully yet compassionately. And so forth! Yet, much of life is about finding balance. You know, avoiding the extremes and letting the Holy Spirit teach us how to walk in step with him.

 

As our youth pastor and I were discussing this very issue a few weeks back regarding living one day at a time without worry (like the sparrow in Matthew) and planning ahead (like the ant in Proverbs), we humorously and spontaneously developed a name to use as we hoped to encourage each other towards this goal. In fact, since our conversation, I’ve been praying for God to turn me into this! Ready for it? “God, make me a Spant!” Yep, a Spant. It’s the fine balance between a sparrow and an ant: a creature who knows how to plan ahead yet enjoys the carefree adventure of daily trusting God for everything.

 

Let’s be Spants today, shall we? Let’s plan and play! Let’s look ahead thoughtfully and enjoy the moment thoroughly. Let’s plan for the future and count the cost, but always with a “Lord willing” mindset (James 5), for “who knows what tomorrow may bring?” Be encouraged today as God morphs you into a Spant!

 

Is Change the Ultimate Test?

One of the clear and consistent signs of genuine salvation is change. In fact, from the Gospels to Revelation, this thread is so clearly evident that I often find it amusing that people even argue the point (Matt. 7, Matt. 13, John 6, John 10, Romans 6-7, 2 Cor. 5, Hebrews 6, Hebrews 10, 1 John 3, to name a few). Even a simple reading of the last 27 books of the Bible reveal that God’s true children, over time, are changed inside and out by him. Theologically, it is called sanctification. Street-ologically (yes, I made that word up), you’re simply different than you used to be.

 

Knowing this, however, raises another question, one I am always asked after preaching on this issue (which I do quite frequently): Is change the ultimate test? Or, to phrase it in a more blatant way, if someone is changed, does that mean they are regenerated? How’s this for an answer – Yes, but mostly no. (With answers like that, I should run for office somewhere.)

 

I say “yes” in that fruit is the sign that we have the seed of God. But the rest of the answer is where the “no” comes in to play. We have to ask ourselves, “From what source is the fruit being produced?” Like it or not, the source of change is an integral part of the answer.

 

In Matthew 7, there was much fruit on display in the lives of the religious people; things like casting out demons, prophesying, and “mighty works.” We might even call this lifestyle an apparently changed life. But it was from a source that was unreliable. False. Plastic. Deceptive. The result? Not real change/fruit, only apparent change/fruit.

 

Likewise, two houses are contrasted in Matthew 7. And the one that was left standing – the one that was actually real – was the one that had the right foundation. Think source. The other one? Well, it got blasted in the storm and was proven to be nothing more than false. Deceptive. Plastic. Untrue. Why? Because its source was false. Untrue. Deceptive.

 

Essentially, the question is deeper than “Are you changed?” Quite frankly, there are many changed people. From Mormons to Buddhists to Muslims to New Agers, people all over the globe are “changing” and trying to become a better, even sometimes different, person. But the fact of change alone doesn’t tell the whole story. The fuller and deeper question is, “What is changing you?” We must at some point get to the foundational issue – the source of our change.

 

Jesus states quite clearly that all sources other than himself – religion, effort, fear, family, sincerity, etc. – will end up as empty wells and false foundations (Matthew 7:21). They will be proven deceptive. They won’t last. Only Jesus brings change in this life and into the next (John 14:1-6). It is thus wise for each of us to ask ourselves the full question – What is bringing about change in my life? What well am I drawing my water from? What foundation am I building my house upon? What vine am I connected to? Sure, change indicates something is happening. But only when you know the source of that change can you definitively say you are being changed by God and, consequently, owned by him.

 

This is why the Gospel matters so intensely and urgently. It is the story of the only real life-changer, Jesus. And without it, we have no hope of truly changing for the right reasons. No wonder Paul consistently points to the Gospel in his letters as the starting place for real change. He encouraged people to tell it, hear it, accept it, stand on it, confess it, cling to it, and even die for it. Which simply begs the question – does your changed life stem from the good news of Jesus Christ, the only God-man who died and rose again and is the exclusive way to God?

 

So yes, change is fundamental, but so is the source of that change. We need to be willing to answer both aspects of this issue as we examine ourselves to see whether or not we are “in the faith” (2 Cor. 13:5).

Take Up Your Cross

It’s a famous phrase, found not only in three of the four Gospels, but in hundreds of songs and sermons since. The phrase? “Take up your cross” (Matt. 16:24, Mark 8:34, Luke 9:23). It’s the singular call of Jesus to all who would follow. It’s non-negotiable. Cross-cultural. Mind-boggling. But he can beckon us to do so, for he bore his. And no doubt that picture brings a host of vivid – and probably negative – mental images to mind. Yes, he took up his cross. Now he asks me to take up mine.

If my guess is correct, right about now you are agreeing with me, but not joyfully. And why would you (or I)? The cross is where cursed men were exposed and executed (Duet 21:23; Gal. 3:13). It’s the place of suffering. Agony. Ultimately, death. And for us to bear ours, well, that can’t be something we would look forward, right? I mean, we’ll “take it up;” after all, we have to. But “don’t expect me to do so with a smile” (we whisper under our breath).

Allow me to shed some light on another angle of cross bearing. Regardless of everything else taking up our cross might mean, it for sure, and at least, means we are always close to it. You can’t bear it without being near it. Really near it. Quite frankly, you have to basically wear it. That’s pretty close!

Guess what? That’s something to smile about! In fact, the closer I am – and stay – to the cross, the more like Jesus I become. So in that regard, taking up my cross is not a drudgery that I endure, but a privilege that I embrace. I get to be close to my Savior! When I consider that aspect of taking up my cross, I run there, splinters and all. Yes, it’s heavy, but it’s where Jesus is. Yes, it’s ugly. But it’s where Jesus is. Yes, it’s bloody. But it’s where Jesus is! Yes, it’s offensive. But it’s where Jesus is. Yes, it’s ruthless. Dangerous. Demanding. But it’s where Jesus is. It’s also victorious. Glorious. Powerful. Personal. Bold. Gripping. Life-saving. Life-changing. Eternal. All-sufficient. Transforming. Because it’s where Jesus is. Ah, the cross he asks me to bear is an invitation to be close to him. Really close to him. And like him. Really like him. Tell me, why would I say “no” to an offer like that?!

As the old hymn writer put it, “So I’ll cherish that old rugged cross, till my trophies at last I lay down. I will cling to the old rugged cross, and exchange it someday for a crown.”

A "Winter" to Remember

Back in early December I posted a few snow pics under the title, "A December to Remember." Well, we're more than 60 days from that post, and it has turned into a "Winter to Remember." In fact, we're setting records each day. So far, we've been under at least 5" of snow for the longest amount of time in Iowa history, and we're in 4th place as far total snow amount in Iowa since they started keeping records. I suspect we will break the record of 72", and when we do, pics will go up!

Personally, I think I've set a shoveling record for myself! I don't recall ever shoveling this much before.

Here are a few pics of the cumulative snow in our neck of the woods...

(This is the 'tunnel' known as our front sidewalk)

(I think we have the strongest gutters in the universe. And yes, this probably isn't very good for them, but it's the way it is for now.)

(One of the consequences of lots of cold snow and ice is that it makes it hard to get your Christmas lights down. I not only got my lights up earlier than ever last year, they've stayed up longer than ever!) :)

(This year I had to actually shovel out areas for my trash can and for my recycling bin so they'd be picked up. They love winter 'cuz they get their own parking space!)

(This is the sidewalk that the kids walk on each day to school...the walls keep getting higher and higher!)

(Ah, home! No way to miss the driveway; it is surrounded by snow barriers.)

One is a Majority

Have you ever felt like the odds were stacked against you? Sure you have! Maybe it was in the remaining minutes of Capture the Flag and you knew you were outnumbered, or perhaps it was in a meeting and you were “presenting your case” to many others. Regardless of the scenario, we all know what it’s like to be the underdog.

Guess what? Not a single time in the OT accounts of Israel’s battles were they ever the human favorite. In fact, from what I read, they never outnumbered their opponents. Never! They were always, from an earthly perspective, “a man down.” But in each case, God was more than able to compensate. He wasn’t worried about the odds from his throne in heaven.

And he still isn’t. Which is why Paul could write in Romans 8:31, “If God is for us, who can be against us?” Be encouraged today, team. With God, you are a majority.

Post-Valentine Thoughts

On the heels of Valentine’s Day, let me encourage you with a verse that will dwarf anything you gave or received yesterday: “But God demonstrated his LOVE for us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us!” (Romans 5:8)

Let’s admit it – Valentine’s Day is fun, but it’s easy.  Why? Because we get to “dote” on someone we love. But imagine “valentining” your enemy? That’s what I thought – No thanks! But that’s exactly what God did for us through Jesus: he loved his enemies. Allow me to make it personal – he loved me and you. Wow! Truly God’s love dwarfs whatever we know as love and his sacrifice sets the supreme example for us all.

Thank our great God for his amazing and radical love today, for you are his Valentine even on the 15^th!

P.S. Yesterday wasn’t only Valentine’s Day, but it was also National Ferris Wheel Day (they say love makes the world go ‘round, right?). And today is National Gum Drop Day. Or, maybe for those still dating who had a bad Valentine’s experience, it is just National “Drop” Day.

A December to Remember

NOTE: This post (and these pics) is mainly for all our friends and family who live in the southern part of the US. Looks like it's shaping up to be a snowy winter!

Casting a Vote for Election

One of the intriguing aspects of the Christian community here in America is the debate mentality. Quite frankly, we love to argue! Unfortunately, too often I’m no exception.

An unintended consequence is that sometimes we shy away from declaring truth. Why? Because we’d rather debate it. We falsely think we have to have a complete understanding of or complete unity on an issue in order to boldly proclaim it. So we debate and argue an issue thinking that, at the magical point that we all “come together” on it, we’ll then preach it. But waiting for a “kum ba yah” moment doesn’t really help us when we are dealing with the declaration of a truth that is profoundly deeper than any of us will ever really grasp.

Take, for instance, election. I don’t understand it completely. I can’t explain it adequately. I don’t agree with how some people describe it or define it. And I get frustrated when people try to make me fit into one of only two “camps” – the Calvin camp or the Arminian camp.

Yet, I know it is biblical. It is solidly scriptural. So even though I can’t quite get my mind fully around every aspect of the concept for a debate, I try and find ways to get my lungs firmly behind it for declaration. It’s what we preachers do at times – proclaim the unexplainable truth of our Sovereign God!

Personally, I don’t see myself as a Calvinist, trying to figure out which of the petals of the tulip I can agree with. Nor do I see myself as an Arminianest, seeking to figure out the extent of man’s will in relation to God’s call. With humble candor I admit I’m not sure what I call myself in regards to this issue. I’m thinking about tagging myself a Calviminianatic (the “-atic” being added because there are also aspects of spiritual gifts that are debated – charismatic vs. cessassionist – that I believe and feel compelled to declare). Maybe I’ll just tell the debaters I’m simply a Christian who believes the Bible even when I don’t understand it.

So yes, I believe in the “elect” – a people who have been ordained to eternal life through belief in Jesus (Acts 13:48), a people chosen and destined to obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus ((Eph. 1:4-12; 2 Timothy 2:10). I don’t know who they all are, but I know that those who have believed – and those who are yet to believe – are part of that wonderful “elected” multitude called by God and saved through grace given in Christ Jesus “ages ago” (2 Timothy 1:9; 1 Peter 1:1).

So let me attempt to declare a few “election” truths that, without a doubt, will be difficult for all to grasp and be reason for some to debate. But in the end it will strengthen our faith in the God of the Bible, the One who has “saved us and called us with a holy calling” (2 Tim. 1:9).

1. Election does not nullify choice. Often we feel we have to choose either between absolute fatalism (“we’re just robots who don’t decide”) or absolute free will (“we are absolutely free to choose”), as if it’s an all-or-nothing environment. When a person responds to the Gospel, it is still their choice even though that choice has been sovereignly affected --- God gave them the faith and desire to make that choice. This is still understood as a real choice made by a willing person. As Wayne Grudem says, “[It is a] mistaken assumption that a choice must be absolutely free (that is, not in any way caused by God) in order for it to be a genuine human choice.”

This being the case, I also believe man has a free will. You may find that odd since I am declaring election. But the difference comes in what I mean by “free.” I do not mean absolutely free, as in the kind of freedom totally outside of the providential control of our Creator. To embrace this would be to deny what Hebrews and Colossians teach us about the sustaining power of God’s Son (Heb 1:3, Col. 1:17). But I do mean “free” as in willing and real choices that are made as a result of our desires, whether fallen or regenerated. The fact that our desires are superintended by God does nullify their freedom, but it does help define it.

2. Election is not unfair. To be perfectly honest, fairness is a red-herring in the election debate, because the only truly fair thing would be to cast all unbelievers into eternal judgment, just as he did to all the angels who rebelled (2 Peter 2:4). The fact that even one person has been saved by the grace of Jesus means God has already gone beyond what is fair and just and is operating from the depths of his mercy, regardless of how you think that person came to belief in Jesus for salvation.

3. Election does not deny that God wants all men to be saved. Nowhere in Scripture does election contradict God’s desire that all men repent and believe. In fact, both are clearly stated and, thus, do exist. But we have assumed that coexistence isn’t possible since we, as humans, can’t, in our finite minds, reconcile the two. May I suggest we let God balance the two and reconcile them, since it is obvious we can’t? Our task is to simply believe both and obey both.

Knowing God desires all men to be saved compels us to be very fervent in our evangelism and disciple making efforts. We should passionately extend the Gospel call to all who would hear, and encourage all men everywhere to repent. After all, as Paul said, “how shall they hear if we don’t go and preach?” The fact that the elect may be in every crowd should stir us to greater efforts.

Furthermore, the Gospel message is crucial to the saving process (Romans 10). So perhaps even the elect, if left without the Gospel, will not be able to “call on him” if they don’t hear? So we must labor intensely to take the Gospel to all the nations so that all who hear can be saved, for this is God’s will.

However, not all men are ultimately saved. So even though all agree it is “God’s will that none should perish,” the fact remains that this aspect of God’s will is, apparently, not fully accomplished, regardless of where you fall on the election issue. The bigger question then becomes, “Why?”

Some think throwing election out is the best way to solve this, leaving man as the reason God’s will isn’t accomplished. The problems with this are that you can’t really throw out a biblical teaching/concept, and this ultimately leaves you with a man-centered philosophy of history.

A better alternative is to affirm election, though we don’t fully understand it, as well as God’s ultimate purpose for history – maximum glory to himself (Phil 2). In this way you line up with what both the Old Testament and New Testament teach – that there is something even more important than the saving of everyone. What is that? In short, the glory of God (Romans 9). Truly, God’s overarching value and chief priority is his own glory, and, as hard as it is to humanly comprehend, sometimes this is achieved by the fact that some are not saved.

So let us keep declaring the truth of election, though we can’t fully describe it, so that we increasingly live in the wonder and worship of God, who has “chosen us before the foundation of the world” (Ephesians 1:4-6).

National Reptile Awareness Day?

I heard today was National Reptile Awareness Day. For me, I think it was last week! And once we were aware of this Green Mamba, we killed it. That's my kind of reptile awareness.

(Picture from my two-week teaching stint in Kazamba, Zambia-Africa, Oct 2009).

Peter on Power

God's power is not just all we need; it is more than we need! In fact, Peter touches on at least three doctrines in 2 Peter 1:3-4 that are wrought by the power of God: a) Election (the "promises" he has given us that "call" us to His new life), regeneration (that moment when God's power transforms us inwardly and we become "partakers of the divine nature"), and sanctification (the process in which God's power gives us "all things that pertain to life and godliness"). WOW!

Now get this -- Paul summarized this process in Romans when he said that the Gospel was "the power of God unto salvation" (Romans 1:16). That's the encompassing word that we use to talk about all the things that happen when God makes us Christians (from election to justification to regenreation, etc.) It's all because of the power of God!

And Luke knew that this God-powered salvation was to be the point of our mission as we "received power to be his witnesses" (Acts 1:8). So there it is again -- power, not just for salvation, but now for mission!

May we never underestimate the power of God, for look at all it has accomplished!

A War of Words

When I watch or listen to political talk shows (on any network regardless of left or right slant), often the host and guests make the watcher/listenter out to be the "dumb one" in the arena. You know, like we're lucky to see/hear such experts solving our dilemmas. Yet, I often wonder who is really the fool: those listening or those talking? I think I got my answer in Proverbs 10 one day when I was reading the various contrasts of the wise person and the foolish person. Take a look at how Solomon describes foolish talking.

Incessant. (v. 8, 19) – “babbling”
Deceptive(v. 10) – “wink”
Divisive (v. 12) – “hatred/strife”
Rebellious (v. 17) – “rejects”
Immoral (v. 31,32) – “perverse”

Wow -- that basically decibes most of the talk shows on the tube, eh? Notice what is not listed -- the word "hear" or "listen." Yep, a fool only runs his mouth, and the end result is not a conversation, but combat! Solomon even uses words like violence, division, and perversion to describe the end result of talking to a fool. No doubt that’s really what it’s like when you engage with a fool's mouth – it’s like entering a war zone!

The sad reality is that most talk shows are nothing more than a "war of words" between multiple fools babbling on and on and on and on and on and on and on. Uhm...No wonder there's carnage everywhere.

Proverbs 16:18-A Visual Reminder

I thought this video was especially fitting considering our current summer series in Proverbs.

Sons of Issachar...Count me In!

I want to be a son of Issachar. No, that’s not some weird, radical, “the-sky-is-falling” group of extremists; and it’s not a lame think tank that actually proves they do the opposite by the way they live. It’s being someone who understands the times and, consequently, undertakes the tasks necessary to make a difference. I draw this from 1 Chronicles 12:32, where the sons of Issachar are referenced as a cadre of men who “understood the times” and who subsequently were able to engage and equip others to make a difference in the Israeli culture around them. That’s exactly what we need more of today. Allow me some room to illustrate.

Back in 1968 when I was 4, my mom could easily snatch my butt up in the grocery store aisle and swat it to get me in line. And the “mom” fans around would probably have started applauding, telling her to give me another one. Those times were the kind when the culture followed and, to a large degree, tried to support the home. It’s a different time now. Today, our culture tries to strangle the home. And if you lay a hand on your child’s backside at Walmart to deliver an attitude adjustment, you may find yourself explaining your actions to a state official who thinks you’re an abuser. Am I saying don’t spank? Nope! I personally believe it is, generally, the best way to get the devil out of your kids before they get too set towards rebellion. But in these times, you’d be a whacked out moron to ignore the culture around you and blindly persist in “doing it the way my parents did.” You’d be much wiser to understand the times and implement the same principles, not just copy people.

The same is true about our churches. We don’t need any more “Pete and Repeats” heading out to “do ministry” or plant a church in the same exact way they watched their pastor do it, who will then send someone out to do it just like they did, ad nauseam. Quite frankly, we need to put to death the “sheepwalking” mentality (kudos to Seth Godin and his book Tribes) that pervades the mindset of some pastors and preachers which stifles creativity and makes innovation seem like idolatry. The notion that I will watch you do it, then 5 years later I’ll go and do the very same thing, only to have someone else go and do the same thing I did 5 years after that…pleeaaasssee! It’s like we’re spitting out little replica’s of people, not principles. By the way, there’s a surefire way to tell if you’re around a sheepwalking Pete or Repeat – listen for phrases like, “In my last church”, “I’ve never known anyone to do it that way”, or “Remember the good ole days when we…” I’m all for learning from the past, but I’m not especially fond of recreating it. I’d rather have God do something new and fresh in the current times of the here-and-now.

Essentially, this is learning the art of implementing principles from the past while not necessarily copying the people of the past. But most people lack the guts to do that. They’d rather just copy an action because it is easier. Takes less work. Less thinking. Less understanding of the times. Parents do this. Pastors do this. Basically, people do this. Sad if you ask me.

But Issachar’s sons weren’t like that. They embraced their times and engaged the culture they were in with a fresh voice and fervent action. They didn’t try to be like their (possibly great) grandfather Jacob, or possibly even their older (great) uncles (like Reuben or Levi or Joseph or Benjamin.) They were who God needed them to be in the times in which they lived. It was where God sovereignly placed them, and they were committed to being divine reps for the future not merely tour guides of the museum. That's what I want to be for my generation -- a man who understands the times and can tackle the tasks, not just based on what he saw someone do years ago, but based on what he knows God can do years from now.

The Genius of a Simple Kid

I think kids should write the IRS Tax Code. And I think they should oversee political debates, as well as approve all assembly instructions and troubleshooting manuals for products, appliances, and technical devices. Why? Because nobody can say it as simple as a child.

In fact, I can’t tell you the number of times we’ve been talking through a day’s events around the dinner table and one of our kids, after hearing the “if, ands, or buts” of a given situation just pipes up and solves a world dilemma or national crisis in a few words or a simple sentence. It seems rather simple to them. Truth is, it actually is; but we adults love to complicate matters, don’t we? I guess it makes us feel important. Needed. But kids often say it best because they say it simply.

For instance, the other day Julie was having a laundry day with our two littlest girls, teaching them the how, where, what, and why of clean clothes. Of course, since we had recently purchased a new frontloading, high capacity set, the process was really different. Many more buttons, screens, and options; fewer dials. I had already decided the new units were above my learning curve.

Well, when I got home, I asked Breanna how the “day of laundry training” went. Assuming I would get a tired response filled with rolled eyes and a long face, I prepared myself for the typical answer most kids give when done with a day of chores. But not my Bre! In Breanna’s unique and creative way, she said with great simplicity, “It’s a breeze, dad. All you do is turn on the screen, push the right picture, and later push the next button it tells you to push for the dryer. It’s all pretty easy, dad. And the best part is you get a 50-minute break after every load!”

Okay, so maybe there is a little more to it. But I do think GE, Whirlpool, or Kenmore might want to contact Breanna about pitching their new machines. Her simplicity seems pretty attractive, eh?

There’s a lesson here, but it’s so obvious I won’t even go to the trouble of writing it. After all, I might actually complicate it in my effort to “clear it up.” So I’ll just let Breanna’s example suffice. And if you want more simple insight into laundry (or life), call our house and ask or Breanna. She’ll be in the laundry room.

A Profile of an Actually Spiritual Family (3)

[NOTE: If you're following this 3-part rambling, you'll know it is from a response I gave to a good dad in our church who felt that perhaps he was committing idolatry because he sacrificed so much for his family and loved them so intensly and actively. So he wrote me, and much of what follows about "actually spiritual families" is my encouragement to him.]

Finally, #3: Actually spiritual families watch out for two extremes: weariness and haughtiness. Balance is a word they love. So here’s a word of encouragement -- just be persistent over the next several years and don’t “lose heart” in the fight (weariness) or “lose sight” of the finish (haughtiness).

You see, when we do the right thing for so long with decent results (family man, church man, etc.), there are two extremes we have to be on guard against: 1) getting tired and wanting to quit or 2) becoming proud and self-sufficient and thinking we won’t quit. Either is fertile ground for the enemy – Satan – who wants to crush your head between his evil jaws. So instead of wearing out (and waking up one day with the “sudden” thought of giving up) or being proud (and waking up one day realizing that you “suddenly” don’t need the weird ideas in the Bible or the church nuts), ask God every day to humble you while you keep doing what you know is right. Otherwise, you will get deceived, then destroyed, and all the while Satan is laughing loudly behind your back (actually, in front of your face because he’s kicking you right in the teeth).

This is why Paul encouraged us to “not grow weary in well doing” and to “take heed lest we fall.” Both weariness and haughtiness can lead us astray. Stay sensitive enough to watch for both of these each day. That’s what the really spiritual family does – they watch out for extremes, like depression (“There’s no use trying; nobody in this family cares anymore for anything.”) and/or pride (“Our way is the only way for everybody”). Whatever is inbetween is probably pretty normal, so don't get all weird about the normal ups and downs. It's the extremes that can cost you.

Now go and be the actually spiritual family I know you are…and may God be worshipped everyday among your beautiful tribe!

A Profile of an Actually Spiritual Family (2)

[NOTE: If you're following this 3-part rambling, you'll know it is from a response I gave to a good dad in our church who felt that perhaps he was committing idolatry because he sacrificed so much for his family and loved them so intensly and actively. So he wrote me, and much of what follows about "actually spiritual families" is my encourgement to him.]

#2: The actually spiritual family knows that when they are sacrificing for and being with one another, they actually are doing ministry. And yes, as they do life and ministry together, often many others outside their family are helped. Impacted. But the actually spiritual family doesn’t have to leave their family to start doing things for the Lord; they just keep on doing things for the Lord even when they’re not with each other. In other words, it’s a lifestyle of worship and service, which sometimes they do together, other times apart.

Actually spiritual families don’t compartmentalize; they integrate. All those sacrifices for and time with your family is right where God wants you, as the man that your family needs, to be. You don’t go to church so you can finally worship; you don’t go to your small group so you can finally grow; you don’t help in the Jr. High so you can finally serve someone. Truth is, you are worshiping God when you love your family. You are growing when you teach your kids the Bible and show them how to pray. You are serving God when you help your child learn how to treat others and get along with his/her siblings. And you simply keep on doing these things when you get to do them with other Christians who aren't in your physical family (i.e., at church).

It's legalistic and hypocritical families who think they have to wait to do spiritual stuff till they are in other places with other people who aren't in their family. Give me a break!

Hear me well – should we still go to church? Grow in other group settings? Serve other people? By all means! These are legitimate, biblical expectations for God's sons and daughters. My point is that actually spiritual families know that those things occur at home as well as away from home, and they know you don’t have to always go somewhere else (like to the church building) to worship, grow, and serve.

I'll cut to the chase, _______. Your family isn’t your idol, because God is honored when you raise kids who love their mom, siblings, and Jesus, and the best way to do that is by doing what you described in your email (putting their needs first, playing and not working your life away, laughing together, loving your wife, etc). Paul said we are “worse than infidel” when we neglect and avoid taking care of our family. So the actually spiritual family sees their whole life as an offering to God – worship 24/7 no matter where we are or what we’re doing! So relax and have some decaf – God is probably saying, “Thanks for working with me in your sanctification.”

On a side note, I think one of the reasons you felt something wasn’t quite right (when you were in church listening) was because sometimes we think that every week in church needs to end with conviction (I probably make people think that too often in my own zeal for certain ones to repent). But often a week with the body of Christ ends in affirmation. God will many times simply bring a word of edification to a member of the body as his way of saying, “I’m accomplishing my work in you; don’t quit.” Looks like to me that’s what happened yesterday to you, ____. Way to go!

A Profile of an Actually Spiritual Family (1)

[NOTE: If you're following this 3-part rambling, you'll know it is from a response I gave to a good dad in our church who felt that perhaps he was committing idolatry because he sacrificed so much for his family and loved them so intensly and actively. So he wrote me, and much of what follows about "actually spiritual families" is my encourgement to him.]

First, the actually spiritual family has the courage to prioritize people and relationships, and they don’t think the one they’re in, which tops their list of priorities, is a hindrance. You can call me crazy, but I have actually met people who have told me things like, “If it weren’t for my kids, I’d have a much better ministry for the Lord.” Or, “As soon as I get this kid raised, I can move on to more important things for God.” Or here’s my favorite: “My spouse/children just doesn’t/don’t understand how much I love ministry.” Hey idiot – yes they do! And that’s what got them righteously ticked. They feel replaced. Perhaps expendable. For sure in second place. And not to Jesus, but to things about Jesus (i.e., ministry, events, etc.). So for starters, if you’re thinking you should feel guilty for being such a good dad, don’t. Those sacrifices you’re making are no doubt your best moments of worship to God and his Son Jesus, and your kids are really seeing a picture of their Heavenly Father's love and commitment.

I personally believe the nano-second we think our family (assuming it is the normal, biblically-based but humanly-stained family I know this man’s was) is keeping us from serving God, the real problem is inside us, not inside our family. Years ago I had similar thoughts about my situation, and God showed me the real error was in my selfish and abnormal thinking, not in the other normal people and seasons of life that comprise this thing we call family life. I am deep-down glad God rescued me from such an evil mindset.

Here’s the reality someone should scream at all engaged couples before they say “I do” and get in bed to make babies: When kids come along, they need a dad. A mom. For children, a family is not a luxury; it is a necessity. To think you can keep the same schedule you had when you were “singly-married” (that’s what Julie and I called ourselves before we had kids) and be a good dad or mom is insanely stupid. Your kids need you. They want you. And you need them and should want them. That “needing” and “wanting,” which is very normal and actually very spiritual, takes time. God designed it that way from the beginning. You have to be with them, which means you will need to NOT be other places and with other people sometimes. Probably a lot of times.

So hear it again -- the actually spiritual family has the courage to prioritize people and relationships, and they know the most important one is the one they’re in, for that is the one they will answer to God for. Sure, you’ll feel humanly guilty at times because you’re comparing your lifestyle to the one you had BK (before kids). But comparing kills, so stop. Bottom line? When we start thinking our family, a gift from God that he calls a treasure, prevents us from the mission of Jesus instead of realizing they actually help protect us from the enemies of Jesus, we are way wrong! Wicked wrong! So the first thing to do is ask God to forgive us for thinking and acting wrongly and agree to adopt his values and perspective. In a word, repent of thinking our family is in the way of God’s blessing and realize our family is the way of God’s blessing. That’s what actually spiritual families do.

A Profile of an Actually Spiritual Family (Intro)

Okay, so I finished teaching last week from Proverbs 2 (and a few other corollary passages) about pursuing God with everything. No idols. No competition. Only God. I encouraged people to repent of idolatry, mentioning that the way we find out what gets the most glory in our life (i.e., what we worship) is by asking ourselves, “What do I sacrifice for?” (Romans 11:36-12:2).

I should have seen it coming -- The next morning, I got an email from a really good dad worried that since he “sacrifices” so much for his family, is he putting them ahead of God? Yikes! I didn’t intend to pull good moms and dads away from their greatest and most important earthly role – parenting! So I got to thinking about some of his questions, and here’s what I wrote to him -- in 3 parts I’m calling “A Profile of an Actually Spiritual Family (as opposed to the theoretically spiritual family you only hear about in sermon illustrations that make you fell guilty). Maybe it’ll help some other parents with small children, busy families, and hard-working spouses who falsely feel sometimes that they just don’t “do enough” for Jesus because they’re consistently giving to and sacrificing for their kids/families. (We’ll throw that thought in the same place we threw the one that said real Christians don’t dance – in the rubbish pile, mate!)

Hope you enjoy my “actually spiritual family” ramblings...one a day for the next trio of 24-hour periods.

No 'Health' in 'Health Department'

You shouldn’t be allowed to use the word “health” in the title of a place that, when you walk in, makes you think you are about to catch a venereal disease. Something about that just doesn’t seem quite fitting.

That was my experience today when I walked into the Polk County Heath Dept. While there were services there for people looking to travel abroad (shots, information, etc.) and families with financial needs, (kid check-ups, dental exams, etc.), the only advertised services were for things that should be treated with a size 15 boot, not a little pill or a long needle. With signs like “Not ready to be pregnant?”, “STD’s Made Simple”, and “Family Planning the Easy Way,” I wondered if maybe I had a stumbled into a make-shift medical clinic that doubled as a clearing house for pimps and prostitutes. It seemed like the only thing being offered was an apparently easy (and tax-payer funded) way out of the physical consequences of an unhealthy, destructive lifestyle. Truth is, few people are actually there because of poor health they’re hoping to change as it relates to the natural body; most are there because of sinful habits they won’t change as it relates to their sexual appetites. Personally, I would change the name of the building to the “Polk County Department for the Unhealthy and Undisciplined,” because that’s primarily what they do and who they serve.

Ah, the good ole’ American tax system at work! Nothing like seeing your hard-earned tax dollars waste away in the abyss of cultural tolerance and moral neutrality. How sad!