One of the intriguing aspects of the Christian community here in America is the debate mentality. Quite frankly, we love to argue! Unfortunately, too often I’m no exception.
An unintended consequence is that sometimes we shy away from declaring truth. Why? Because we’d rather debate it. We falsely think we have to have a complete understanding of or complete unity on an issue in order to boldly proclaim it. So we debate and argue an issue thinking that, at the magical point that we all “come together” on it, we’ll then preach it. But waiting for a “kum ba yah” moment doesn’t really help us when we are dealing with the declaration of a truth that is profoundly deeper than any of us will ever really grasp.
Take, for instance, election. I don’t understand it completely. I can’t explain it adequately. I don’t agree with how some people describe it or define it. And I get frustrated when people try to make me fit into one of only two “camps” – the Calvin camp or the Arminian camp.
Yet, I know it is biblical. It is solidly scriptural. So even though I can’t quite get my mind fully around every aspect of the concept for a debate, I try and find ways to get my lungs firmly behind it for declaration. It’s what we preachers do at times – proclaim the unexplainable truth of our Sovereign God!
Personally, I don’t see myself as a Calvinist, trying to figure out which of the petals of the tulip I can agree with. Nor do I see myself as an Arminianest, seeking to figure out the extent of man’s will in relation to God’s call. With humble candor I admit I’m not sure what I call myself in regards to this issue. I’m thinking about tagging myself a Calviminianatic (the “-atic” being added because there are also aspects of spiritual gifts that are debated – charismatic vs. cessassionist – that I believe and feel compelled to declare). Maybe I’ll just tell the debaters I’m simply a Christian who believes the Bible even when I don’t understand it.
So yes, I believe in the “elect” – a people who have been ordained to eternal life through belief in Jesus (Acts 13:48), a people chosen and destined to obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus ((Eph. 1:4-12; 2 Timothy 2:10). I don’t know who they all are, but I know that those who have believed – and those who are yet to believe – are part of that wonderful “elected” multitude called by God and saved through grace given in Christ Jesus “ages ago” (2 Timothy 1:9; 1 Peter 1:1).
So let me attempt to declare a few “election” truths that, without a doubt, will be difficult for all to grasp and be reason for some to debate. But in the end it will strengthen our faith in the God of the Bible, the One who has “saved us and called us with a holy calling” (2 Tim. 1:9).
1. Election does not nullify choice. Often we feel we have to choose either between absolute fatalism (“we’re just robots who don’t decide”) or absolute free will (“we are absolutely free to choose”), as if it’s an all-or-nothing environment. When a person responds to the Gospel, it is still their choice even though that choice has been sovereignly affected --- God gave them the faith and desire to make that choice. This is still understood as a real choice made by a willing person. As Wayne Grudem says, “[It is a] mistaken assumption that a choice must be absolutely free (that is, not in any way caused by God) in order for it to be a genuine human choice.”
This being the case, I also believe man has a free will. You may find that odd since I am declaring election. But the difference comes in what I mean by “free.” I do not mean absolutely free, as in the kind of freedom totally outside of the providential control of our Creator. To embrace this would be to deny what Hebrews and Colossians teach us about the sustaining power of God’s Son (Heb 1:3, Col. 1:17). But I do mean “free” as in willing and real choices that are made as a result of our desires, whether fallen or regenerated. The fact that our desires are superintended by God does nullify their freedom, but it does help define it.
2. Election is not unfair. To be perfectly honest, fairness is a red-herring in the election debate, because the only truly fair thing would be to cast all unbelievers into eternal judgment, just as he did to all the angels who rebelled (2 Peter 2:4). The fact that even one person has been saved by the grace of Jesus means God has already gone beyond what is fair and just and is operating from the depths of his mercy, regardless of how you think that person came to belief in Jesus for salvation.
3. Election does not deny that God wants all men to be saved. Nowhere in Scripture does election contradict God’s desire that all men repent and believe. In fact, both are clearly stated and, thus, do exist. But we have assumed that coexistence isn’t possible since we, as humans, can’t, in our finite minds, reconcile the two. May I suggest we let God balance the two and reconcile them, since it is obvious we can’t? Our task is to simply believe both and obey both.
Knowing God desires all men to be saved compels us to be very fervent in our evangelism and disciple making efforts. We should passionately extend the Gospel call to all who would hear, and encourage all men everywhere to repent. After all, as Paul said, “how shall they hear if we don’t go and preach?” The fact that the elect may be in every crowd should stir us to greater efforts.
Furthermore, the Gospel message is crucial to the saving process (Romans 10). So perhaps even the elect, if left without the Gospel, will not be able to “call on him” if they don’t hear? So we must labor intensely to take the Gospel to all the nations so that all who hear can be saved, for this is God’s will.
However, not all men are ultimately saved. So even though all agree it is “God’s will that none should perish,” the fact remains that this aspect of God’s will is, apparently, not fully accomplished, regardless of where you fall on the election issue. The bigger question then becomes, “Why?”
Some think throwing election out is the best way to solve this, leaving man as the reason God’s will isn’t accomplished. The problems with this are that you can’t really throw out a biblical teaching/concept, and this ultimately leaves you with a man-centered philosophy of history.
A better alternative is to affirm election, though we don’t fully understand it, as well as God’s ultimate purpose for history – maximum glory to himself (Phil 2). In this way you line up with what both the Old Testament and New Testament teach – that there is something even more important than the saving of everyone. What is that? In short, the glory of God (Romans 9). Truly, God’s overarching value and chief priority is his own glory, and, as hard as it is to humanly comprehend, sometimes this is achieved by the fact that some are not saved.
So let us keep declaring the truth of election, though we can’t fully describe it, so that we increasingly live in the wonder and worship of God, who has “chosen us before the foundation of the world” (Ephesians 1:4-6).
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
National Reptile Awareness Day?
I heard today was National Reptile Awareness Day. For me, I think it was last week! And once we were aware of this Green Mamba, we killed it. That's my kind of reptile awareness.(Picture from my two-week teaching stint in Kazamba, Zambia-Africa, Oct 2009).
Friday, October 2, 2009
Peter on Power
God's power is not just all we need; it is more than we need! In fact, Peter touches on at least three doctrines in 2 Peter 1:3-4 that are wrought by the power of God: a) Election (the "promises" he has given us that "call" us to His new life), regeneration (that moment when God's power transforms us inwardly and we become "partakers of the divine nature"), and sanctification (the process in which God's power gives us "all things that pertain to life and godliness"). WOW!
Now get this -- Paul summarized this process in Romans when he said that the Gospel was "the power of God unto salvation" (Romans 1:16). That's the encompassing word that we use to talk about all the things that happen when God makes us Christians (from election to justification to regenreation, etc.) It's all because of the power of God!
And Luke knew that this God-powered salvation was to be the point of our mission as we "received power to be his witnesses" (Acts 1:8). So there it is again -- power, not just for salvation, but now for mission!
May we never underestimate the power of God, for look at all it has accomplished!
Now get this -- Paul summarized this process in Romans when he said that the Gospel was "the power of God unto salvation" (Romans 1:16). That's the encompassing word that we use to talk about all the things that happen when God makes us Christians (from election to justification to regenreation, etc.) It's all because of the power of God!
And Luke knew that this God-powered salvation was to be the point of our mission as we "received power to be his witnesses" (Acts 1:8). So there it is again -- power, not just for salvation, but now for mission!
May we never underestimate the power of God, for look at all it has accomplished!
Saturday, July 18, 2009
A War of Words
When I watch or listen to political talk shows (on any network regardless of left or right slant), often the host and guests make the watcher/listenter out to be the "dumb one" in the arena. You know, like we're lucky to see/hear such experts solving our dilemmas. Yet, I often wonder who is really the fool: those listening or those talking? I think I got my answer in Proverbs 10 one day when I was reading the various contrasts of the wise person and the foolish person. Take a look at how Solomon describes foolish talking.
Incessant. (v. 8, 19) – “babbling”
Deceptive(v. 10) – “wink”
Divisive (v. 12) – “hatred/strife”
Rebellious (v. 17) – “rejects”
Immoral (v. 31,32) – “perverse”
Wow -- that basically decibes most of the talk shows on the tube, eh? Notice what is not listed -- the word "hear" or "listen." Yep, a fool only runs his mouth, and the end result is not a conversation, but combat! Solomon even uses words like violence, division, and perversion to describe the end result of talking to a fool. No doubt that’s really what it’s like when you engage with a fool's mouth – it’s like entering a war zone!
The sad reality is that most talk shows are nothing more than a "war of words" between multiple fools babbling on and on and on and on and on and on and on. Uhm...No wonder there's carnage everywhere.
Incessant. (v. 8, 19) – “babbling”
Deceptive(v. 10) – “wink”
Divisive (v. 12) – “hatred/strife”
Rebellious (v. 17) – “rejects”
Immoral (v. 31,32) – “perverse”
Wow -- that basically decibes most of the talk shows on the tube, eh? Notice what is not listed -- the word "hear" or "listen." Yep, a fool only runs his mouth, and the end result is not a conversation, but combat! Solomon even uses words like violence, division, and perversion to describe the end result of talking to a fool. No doubt that’s really what it’s like when you engage with a fool's mouth – it’s like entering a war zone!
The sad reality is that most talk shows are nothing more than a "war of words" between multiple fools babbling on and on and on and on and on and on and on. Uhm...No wonder there's carnage everywhere.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Proverbs 16:18-A Visual Reminder
I thought this video was especially fitting considering our current summer series in Proverbs.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Sons of Issachar...Count me In!
I want to be a son of Issachar. No, that’s not some weird, radical, “the-sky-is-falling” group of extremists; and it’s not a lame think tank that actually proves they do the opposite by the way they live. It’s being someone who understands the times and, consequently, undertakes the tasks necessary to make a difference. I draw this from 1 Chronicles 12:32, where the sons of Issachar are referenced as a cadre of men who “understood the times” and who subsequently were able to engage and equip others to make a difference in the Israeli culture around them. That’s exactly what we need more of today. Allow me some room to illustrate.
Back in 1968 when I was 4, my mom could easily snatch my butt up in the grocery store aisle and swat it to get me in line. And the “mom” fans around would probably have started applauding, telling her to give me another one. Those times were the kind when the culture followed and, to a large degree, tried to support the home. It’s a different time now. Today, our culture tries to strangle the home. And if you lay a hand on your child’s backside at Walmart to deliver an attitude adjustment, you may find yourself explaining your actions to a state official who thinks you’re an abuser. Am I saying don’t spank? Nope! I personally believe it is, generally, the best way to get the devil out of your kids before they get too set towards rebellion. But in these times, you’d be a whacked out moron to ignore the culture around you and blindly persist in “doing it the way my parents did.” You’d be much wiser to understand the times and implement the same principles, not just copy people.
The same is true about our churches. We don’t need any more “Pete and Repeats” heading out to “do ministry” or plant a church in the same exact way they watched their pastor do it, who will then send someone out to do it just like they did, ad nauseam. Quite frankly, we need to put to death the “sheepwalking” mentality (kudos to Seth Godin and his book Tribes) that pervades the mindset of some pastors and preachers which stifles creativity and makes innovation seem like idolatry. The notion that I will watch you do it, then 5 years later I’ll go and do the very same thing, only to have someone else go and do the same thing I did 5 years after that…pleeaaasssee! It’s like we’re spitting out little replica’s of people, not principles. By the way, there’s a surefire way to tell if you’re around a sheepwalking Pete or Repeat – listen for phrases like, “In my last church”, “I’ve never known anyone to do it that way”, or “Remember the good ole days when we…” I’m all for learning from the past, but I’m not especially fond of recreating it. I’d rather have God do something new and fresh in the current times of the here-and-now.
Essentially, this is learning the art of implementing principles from the past while not necessarily copying the people of the past. But most people lack the guts to do that. They’d rather just copy an action because it is easier. Takes less work. Less thinking. Less understanding of the times. Parents do this. Pastors do this. Basically, people do this. Sad if you ask me.
But Issachar’s sons weren’t like that. They embraced their times and engaged the culture they were in with a fresh voice and fervent action. They didn’t try to be like their (possibly great) grandfather Jacob, or possibly even their older (great) uncles (like Reuben or Levi or Joseph or Benjamin.) They were who God needed them to be in the times in which they lived. It was where God sovereignly placed them, and they were committed to being divine reps for the future not merely tour guides of the museum. That's what I want to be for my generation -- a man who understands the times and can tackle the tasks, not just based on what he saw someone do years ago, but based on what he knows God can do years from now.
Back in 1968 when I was 4, my mom could easily snatch my butt up in the grocery store aisle and swat it to get me in line. And the “mom” fans around would probably have started applauding, telling her to give me another one. Those times were the kind when the culture followed and, to a large degree, tried to support the home. It’s a different time now. Today, our culture tries to strangle the home. And if you lay a hand on your child’s backside at Walmart to deliver an attitude adjustment, you may find yourself explaining your actions to a state official who thinks you’re an abuser. Am I saying don’t spank? Nope! I personally believe it is, generally, the best way to get the devil out of your kids before they get too set towards rebellion. But in these times, you’d be a whacked out moron to ignore the culture around you and blindly persist in “doing it the way my parents did.” You’d be much wiser to understand the times and implement the same principles, not just copy people.
The same is true about our churches. We don’t need any more “Pete and Repeats” heading out to “do ministry” or plant a church in the same exact way they watched their pastor do it, who will then send someone out to do it just like they did, ad nauseam. Quite frankly, we need to put to death the “sheepwalking” mentality (kudos to Seth Godin and his book Tribes) that pervades the mindset of some pastors and preachers which stifles creativity and makes innovation seem like idolatry. The notion that I will watch you do it, then 5 years later I’ll go and do the very same thing, only to have someone else go and do the same thing I did 5 years after that…pleeaaasssee! It’s like we’re spitting out little replica’s of people, not principles. By the way, there’s a surefire way to tell if you’re around a sheepwalking Pete or Repeat – listen for phrases like, “In my last church”, “I’ve never known anyone to do it that way”, or “Remember the good ole days when we…” I’m all for learning from the past, but I’m not especially fond of recreating it. I’d rather have God do something new and fresh in the current times of the here-and-now.
Essentially, this is learning the art of implementing principles from the past while not necessarily copying the people of the past. But most people lack the guts to do that. They’d rather just copy an action because it is easier. Takes less work. Less thinking. Less understanding of the times. Parents do this. Pastors do this. Basically, people do this. Sad if you ask me.
But Issachar’s sons weren’t like that. They embraced their times and engaged the culture they were in with a fresh voice and fervent action. They didn’t try to be like their (possibly great) grandfather Jacob, or possibly even their older (great) uncles (like Reuben or Levi or Joseph or Benjamin.) They were who God needed them to be in the times in which they lived. It was where God sovereignly placed them, and they were committed to being divine reps for the future not merely tour guides of the museum. That's what I want to be for my generation -- a man who understands the times and can tackle the tasks, not just based on what he saw someone do years ago, but based on what he knows God can do years from now.
Friday, July 10, 2009
The Genius of a Simple Kid
I think kids should write the IRS Tax Code. And I think they should oversee political debates, as well as approve all assembly instructions and troubleshooting manuals for products, appliances, and technical devices. Why? Because nobody can say it as simple as a child.
In fact, I can’t tell you the number of times we’ve been talking through a day’s events around the dinner table and one of our kids, after hearing the “if, ands, or buts” of a given situation just pipes up and solves a world dilemma or national crisis in a few words or a simple sentence. It seems rather simple to them. Truth is, it actually is; but we adults love to complicate matters, don’t we? I guess it makes us feel important. Needed. But kids often say it best because they say it simply.
For instance, the other day Julie was having a laundry day with our two littlest girls, teaching them the how, where, what, and why of clean clothes. Of course, since we had recently purchased a new frontloading, high capacity set, the process was really different. Many more buttons, screens, and options; fewer dials. I had already decided the new units were above my learning curve.
Well, when I got home, I asked Breanna how the “day of laundry training” went. Assuming I would get a tired response filled with rolled eyes and a long face, I prepared myself for the typical answer most kids give when done with a day of chores. But not my Bre! In Breanna’s unique and creative way, she said with great simplicity, “It’s a breeze, dad. All you do is turn on the screen, push the right picture, and later push the next button it tells you to push for the dryer. It’s all pretty easy, dad. And the best part is you get a 50-minute break after every load!”
Okay, so maybe there is a little more to it. But I do think GE, Whirlpool, or Kenmore might want to contact Breanna about pitching their new machines. Her simplicity seems pretty attractive, eh?
There’s a lesson here, but it’s so obvious I won’t even go to the trouble of writing it. After all, I might actually complicate it in my effort to “clear it up.” So I’ll just let Breanna’s example suffice. And if you want more simple insight into laundry (or life), call our house and ask or Breanna. She’ll be in the laundry room.
In fact, I can’t tell you the number of times we’ve been talking through a day’s events around the dinner table and one of our kids, after hearing the “if, ands, or buts” of a given situation just pipes up and solves a world dilemma or national crisis in a few words or a simple sentence. It seems rather simple to them. Truth is, it actually is; but we adults love to complicate matters, don’t we? I guess it makes us feel important. Needed. But kids often say it best because they say it simply.
For instance, the other day Julie was having a laundry day with our two littlest girls, teaching them the how, where, what, and why of clean clothes. Of course, since we had recently purchased a new frontloading, high capacity set, the process was really different. Many more buttons, screens, and options; fewer dials. I had already decided the new units were above my learning curve.
Well, when I got home, I asked Breanna how the “day of laundry training” went. Assuming I would get a tired response filled with rolled eyes and a long face, I prepared myself for the typical answer most kids give when done with a day of chores. But not my Bre! In Breanna’s unique and creative way, she said with great simplicity, “It’s a breeze, dad. All you do is turn on the screen, push the right picture, and later push the next button it tells you to push for the dryer. It’s all pretty easy, dad. And the best part is you get a 50-minute break after every load!”
Okay, so maybe there is a little more to it. But I do think GE, Whirlpool, or Kenmore might want to contact Breanna about pitching their new machines. Her simplicity seems pretty attractive, eh?
There’s a lesson here, but it’s so obvious I won’t even go to the trouble of writing it. After all, I might actually complicate it in my effort to “clear it up.” So I’ll just let Breanna’s example suffice. And if you want more simple insight into laundry (or life), call our house and ask or Breanna. She’ll be in the laundry room.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
A Profile of an Actually Spiritual Family (3)
[NOTE: If you're following this 3-part rambling, you'll know it is from a response I gave to a good dad in our church who felt that perhaps he was committing idolatry because he sacrificed so much for his family and loved them so intensly and actively. So he wrote me, and much of what follows about "actually spiritual families" is my encouragement to him.]
Finally, #3: Actually spiritual families watch out for two extremes: weariness and haughtiness. Balance is a word they love. So here’s a word of encouragement -- just be persistent over the next several years and don’t “lose heart” in the fight (weariness) or “lose sight” of the finish (haughtiness).
You see, when we do the right thing for so long with decent results (family man, church man, etc.), there are two extremes we have to be on guard against: 1) getting tired and wanting to quit or 2) becoming proud and self-sufficient and thinking we won’t quit. Either is fertile ground for the enemy – Satan – who wants to crush your head between his evil jaws. So instead of wearing out (and waking up one day with the “sudden” thought of giving up) or being proud (and waking up one day realizing that you “suddenly” don’t need the weird ideas in the Bible or the church nuts), ask God every day to humble you while you keep doing what you know is right. Otherwise, you will get deceived, then destroyed, and all the while Satan is laughing loudly behind your back (actually, in front of your face because he’s kicking you right in the teeth).
This is why Paul encouraged us to “not grow weary in well doing” and to “take heed lest we fall.” Both weariness and haughtiness can lead us astray. Stay sensitive enough to watch for both of these each day. That’s what the really spiritual family does – they watch out for extremes, like depression (“There’s no use trying; nobody in this family cares anymore for anything.”) and/or pride (“Our way is the only way for everybody”). Whatever is inbetween is probably pretty normal, so don't get all weird about the normal ups and downs. It's the extremes that can cost you.
Now go and be the actually spiritual family I know you are…and may God be worshipped everyday among your beautiful tribe!
Finally, #3: Actually spiritual families watch out for two extremes: weariness and haughtiness. Balance is a word they love. So here’s a word of encouragement -- just be persistent over the next several years and don’t “lose heart” in the fight (weariness) or “lose sight” of the finish (haughtiness).
You see, when we do the right thing for so long with decent results (family man, church man, etc.), there are two extremes we have to be on guard against: 1) getting tired and wanting to quit or 2) becoming proud and self-sufficient and thinking we won’t quit. Either is fertile ground for the enemy – Satan – who wants to crush your head between his evil jaws. So instead of wearing out (and waking up one day with the “sudden” thought of giving up) or being proud (and waking up one day realizing that you “suddenly” don’t need the weird ideas in the Bible or the church nuts), ask God every day to humble you while you keep doing what you know is right. Otherwise, you will get deceived, then destroyed, and all the while Satan is laughing loudly behind your back (actually, in front of your face because he’s kicking you right in the teeth).
This is why Paul encouraged us to “not grow weary in well doing” and to “take heed lest we fall.” Both weariness and haughtiness can lead us astray. Stay sensitive enough to watch for both of these each day. That’s what the really spiritual family does – they watch out for extremes, like depression (“There’s no use trying; nobody in this family cares anymore for anything.”) and/or pride (“Our way is the only way for everybody”). Whatever is inbetween is probably pretty normal, so don't get all weird about the normal ups and downs. It's the extremes that can cost you.
Now go and be the actually spiritual family I know you are…and may God be worshipped everyday among your beautiful tribe!
Saturday, July 4, 2009
A Profile of an Actually Spiritual Family (2)
[NOTE: If you're following this 3-part rambling, you'll know it is from a response I gave to a good dad in our church who felt that perhaps he was committing idolatry because he sacrificed so much for his family and loved them so intensly and actively. So he wrote me, and much of what follows about "actually spiritual families" is my encourgement to him.]
#2: The actually spiritual family knows that when they are sacrificing for and being with one another, they actually are doing ministry. And yes, as they do life and ministry together, often many others outside their family are helped. Impacted. But the actually spiritual family doesn’t have to leave their family to start doing things for the Lord; they just keep on doing things for the Lord even when they’re not with each other. In other words, it’s a lifestyle of worship and service, which sometimes they do together, other times apart.
Actually spiritual families don’t compartmentalize; they integrate. All those sacrifices for and time with your family is right where God wants you, as the man that your family needs, to be. You don’t go to church so you can finally worship; you don’t go to your small group so you can finally grow; you don’t help in the Jr. High so you can finally serve someone. Truth is, you are worshiping God when you love your family. You are growing when you teach your kids the Bible and show them how to pray. You are serving God when you help your child learn how to treat others and get along with his/her siblings. And you simply keep on doing these things when you get to do them with other Christians who aren't in your physical family (i.e., at church).
It's legalistic and hypocritical families who think they have to wait to do spiritual stuff till they are in other places with other people who aren't in their family. Give me a break!
Hear me well – should we still go to church? Grow in other group settings? Serve other people? By all means! These are legitimate, biblical expectations for God's sons and daughters. My point is that actually spiritual families know that those things occur at home as well as away from home, and they know you don’t have to always go somewhere else (like to the church building) to worship, grow, and serve.
I'll cut to the chase, _______. Your family isn’t your idol, because God is honored when you raise kids who love their mom, siblings, and Jesus, and the best way to do that is by doing what you described in your email (putting their needs first, playing and not working your life away, laughing together, loving your wife, etc). Paul said we are “worse than infidel” when we neglect and avoid taking care of our family. So the actually spiritual family sees their whole life as an offering to God – worship 24/7 no matter where we are or what we’re doing! So relax and have some decaf – God is probably saying, “Thanks for working with me in your sanctification.”
On a side note, I think one of the reasons you felt something wasn’t quite right (when you were in church listening) was because sometimes we think that every week in church needs to end with conviction (I probably make people think that too often in my own zeal for certain ones to repent). But often a week with the body of Christ ends in affirmation. God will many times simply bring a word of edification to a member of the body as his way of saying, “I’m accomplishing my work in you; don’t quit.” Looks like to me that’s what happened yesterday to you, ____. Way to go!
#2: The actually spiritual family knows that when they are sacrificing for and being with one another, they actually are doing ministry. And yes, as they do life and ministry together, often many others outside their family are helped. Impacted. But the actually spiritual family doesn’t have to leave their family to start doing things for the Lord; they just keep on doing things for the Lord even when they’re not with each other. In other words, it’s a lifestyle of worship and service, which sometimes they do together, other times apart.
Actually spiritual families don’t compartmentalize; they integrate. All those sacrifices for and time with your family is right where God wants you, as the man that your family needs, to be. You don’t go to church so you can finally worship; you don’t go to your small group so you can finally grow; you don’t help in the Jr. High so you can finally serve someone. Truth is, you are worshiping God when you love your family. You are growing when you teach your kids the Bible and show them how to pray. You are serving God when you help your child learn how to treat others and get along with his/her siblings. And you simply keep on doing these things when you get to do them with other Christians who aren't in your physical family (i.e., at church).
It's legalistic and hypocritical families who think they have to wait to do spiritual stuff till they are in other places with other people who aren't in their family. Give me a break!
Hear me well – should we still go to church? Grow in other group settings? Serve other people? By all means! These are legitimate, biblical expectations for God's sons and daughters. My point is that actually spiritual families know that those things occur at home as well as away from home, and they know you don’t have to always go somewhere else (like to the church building) to worship, grow, and serve.
I'll cut to the chase, _______. Your family isn’t your idol, because God is honored when you raise kids who love their mom, siblings, and Jesus, and the best way to do that is by doing what you described in your email (putting their needs first, playing and not working your life away, laughing together, loving your wife, etc). Paul said we are “worse than infidel” when we neglect and avoid taking care of our family. So the actually spiritual family sees their whole life as an offering to God – worship 24/7 no matter where we are or what we’re doing! So relax and have some decaf – God is probably saying, “Thanks for working with me in your sanctification.”
On a side note, I think one of the reasons you felt something wasn’t quite right (when you were in church listening) was because sometimes we think that every week in church needs to end with conviction (I probably make people think that too often in my own zeal for certain ones to repent). But often a week with the body of Christ ends in affirmation. God will many times simply bring a word of edification to a member of the body as his way of saying, “I’m accomplishing my work in you; don’t quit.” Looks like to me that’s what happened yesterday to you, ____. Way to go!
Friday, July 3, 2009
A Profile of an Actually Spiritual Family (1)
[NOTE: If you're following this 3-part rambling, you'll know it is from a response I gave to a good dad in our church who felt that perhaps he was committing idolatry because he sacrificed so much for his family and loved them so intensly and actively. So he wrote me, and much of what follows about "actually spiritual families" is my encourgement to him.]
First, the actually spiritual family has the courage to prioritize people and relationships, and they don’t think the one they’re in, which tops their list of priorities, is a hindrance. You can call me crazy, but I have actually met people who have told me things like, “If it weren’t for my kids, I’d have a much better ministry for the Lord.” Or, “As soon as I get this kid raised, I can move on to more important things for God.” Or here’s my favorite: “My spouse/children just doesn’t/don’t understand how much I love ministry.” Hey idiot – yes they do! And that’s what got them righteously ticked. They feel replaced. Perhaps expendable. For sure in second place. And not to Jesus, but to things about Jesus (i.e., ministry, events, etc.). So for starters, if you’re thinking you should feel guilty for being such a good dad, don’t. Those sacrifices you’re making are no doubt your best moments of worship to God and his Son Jesus, and your kids are really seeing a picture of their Heavenly Father's love and commitment.
I personally believe the nano-second we think our family (assuming it is the normal, biblically-based but humanly-stained family I know this man’s was) is keeping us from serving God, the real problem is inside us, not inside our family. Years ago I had similar thoughts about my situation, and God showed me the real error was in my selfish and abnormal thinking, not in the other normal people and seasons of life that comprise this thing we call family life. I am deep-down glad God rescued me from such an evil mindset.
Here’s the reality someone should scream at all engaged couples before they say “I do” and get in bed to make babies: When kids come along, they need a dad. A mom. For children, a family is not a luxury; it is a necessity. To think you can keep the same schedule you had when you were “singly-married” (that’s what Julie and I called ourselves before we had kids) and be a good dad or mom is insanely stupid. Your kids need you. They want you. And you need them and should want them. That “needing” and “wanting,” which is very normal and actually very spiritual, takes time. God designed it that way from the beginning. You have to be with them, which means you will need to NOT be other places and with other people sometimes. Probably a lot of times.
So hear it again -- the actually spiritual family has the courage to prioritize people and relationships, and they know the most important one is the one they’re in, for that is the one they will answer to God for. Sure, you’ll feel humanly guilty at times because you’re comparing your lifestyle to the one you had BK (before kids). But comparing kills, so stop. Bottom line? When we start thinking our family, a gift from God that he calls a treasure, prevents us from the mission of Jesus instead of realizing they actually help protect us from the enemies of Jesus, we are way wrong! Wicked wrong! So the first thing to do is ask God to forgive us for thinking and acting wrongly and agree to adopt his values and perspective. In a word, repent of thinking our family is in the way of God’s blessing and realize our family is the way of God’s blessing. That’s what actually spiritual families do.
First, the actually spiritual family has the courage to prioritize people and relationships, and they don’t think the one they’re in, which tops their list of priorities, is a hindrance. You can call me crazy, but I have actually met people who have told me things like, “If it weren’t for my kids, I’d have a much better ministry for the Lord.” Or, “As soon as I get this kid raised, I can move on to more important things for God.” Or here’s my favorite: “My spouse/children just doesn’t/don’t understand how much I love ministry.” Hey idiot – yes they do! And that’s what got them righteously ticked. They feel replaced. Perhaps expendable. For sure in second place. And not to Jesus, but to things about Jesus (i.e., ministry, events, etc.). So for starters, if you’re thinking you should feel guilty for being such a good dad, don’t. Those sacrifices you’re making are no doubt your best moments of worship to God and his Son Jesus, and your kids are really seeing a picture of their Heavenly Father's love and commitment.
I personally believe the nano-second we think our family (assuming it is the normal, biblically-based but humanly-stained family I know this man’s was) is keeping us from serving God, the real problem is inside us, not inside our family. Years ago I had similar thoughts about my situation, and God showed me the real error was in my selfish and abnormal thinking, not in the other normal people and seasons of life that comprise this thing we call family life. I am deep-down glad God rescued me from such an evil mindset.
Here’s the reality someone should scream at all engaged couples before they say “I do” and get in bed to make babies: When kids come along, they need a dad. A mom. For children, a family is not a luxury; it is a necessity. To think you can keep the same schedule you had when you were “singly-married” (that’s what Julie and I called ourselves before we had kids) and be a good dad or mom is insanely stupid. Your kids need you. They want you. And you need them and should want them. That “needing” and “wanting,” which is very normal and actually very spiritual, takes time. God designed it that way from the beginning. You have to be with them, which means you will need to NOT be other places and with other people sometimes. Probably a lot of times.
So hear it again -- the actually spiritual family has the courage to prioritize people and relationships, and they know the most important one is the one they’re in, for that is the one they will answer to God for. Sure, you’ll feel humanly guilty at times because you’re comparing your lifestyle to the one you had BK (before kids). But comparing kills, so stop. Bottom line? When we start thinking our family, a gift from God that he calls a treasure, prevents us from the mission of Jesus instead of realizing they actually help protect us from the enemies of Jesus, we are way wrong! Wicked wrong! So the first thing to do is ask God to forgive us for thinking and acting wrongly and agree to adopt his values and perspective. In a word, repent of thinking our family is in the way of God’s blessing and realize our family is the way of God’s blessing. That’s what actually spiritual families do.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
A Profile of an Actually Spiritual Family (Intro)
Okay, so I finished teaching last week from Proverbs 2 (and a few other corollary passages) about pursuing God with everything. No idols. No competition. Only God. I encouraged people to repent of idolatry, mentioning that the way we find out what gets the most glory in our life (i.e., what we worship) is by asking ourselves, “What do I sacrifice for?” (Romans 11:36-12:2).
I should have seen it coming -- The next morning, I got an email from a really good dad worried that since he “sacrifices” so much for his family, is he putting them ahead of God? Yikes! I didn’t intend to pull good moms and dads away from their greatest and most important earthly role – parenting! So I got to thinking about some of his questions, and here’s what I wrote to him -- in 3 parts I’m calling “A Profile of an Actually Spiritual Family (as opposed to the theoretically spiritual family you only hear about in sermon illustrations that make you fell guilty). Maybe it’ll help some other parents with small children, busy families, and hard-working spouses who falsely feel sometimes that they just don’t “do enough” for Jesus because they’re consistently giving to and sacrificing for their kids/families. (We’ll throw that thought in the same place we threw the one that said real Christians don’t dance – in the rubbish pile, mate!)
Hope you enjoy my “actually spiritual family” ramblings...one a day for the next trio of 24-hour periods.
I should have seen it coming -- The next morning, I got an email from a really good dad worried that since he “sacrifices” so much for his family, is he putting them ahead of God? Yikes! I didn’t intend to pull good moms and dads away from their greatest and most important earthly role – parenting! So I got to thinking about some of his questions, and here’s what I wrote to him -- in 3 parts I’m calling “A Profile of an Actually Spiritual Family (as opposed to the theoretically spiritual family you only hear about in sermon illustrations that make you fell guilty). Maybe it’ll help some other parents with small children, busy families, and hard-working spouses who falsely feel sometimes that they just don’t “do enough” for Jesus because they’re consistently giving to and sacrificing for their kids/families. (We’ll throw that thought in the same place we threw the one that said real Christians don’t dance – in the rubbish pile, mate!)
Hope you enjoy my “actually spiritual family” ramblings...one a day for the next trio of 24-hour periods.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
No 'Health' in 'Health Department'
You shouldn’t be allowed to use the word “health” in the title of a place that, when you walk in, makes you think you are about to catch a venereal disease. Something about that just doesn’t seem quite fitting.
That was my experience today when I walked into the Polk County Heath Dept. While there were services there for people looking to travel abroad (shots, information, etc.) and families with financial needs, (kid check-ups, dental exams, etc.), the only advertised services were for things that should be treated with a size 15 boot, not a little pill or a long needle. With signs like “Not ready to be pregnant?”, “STD’s Made Simple”, and “Family Planning the Easy Way,” I wondered if maybe I had a stumbled into a make-shift medical clinic that doubled as a clearing house for pimps and prostitutes. It seemed like the only thing being offered was an apparently easy (and tax-payer funded) way out of the physical consequences of an unhealthy, destructive lifestyle. Truth is, few people are actually there because of poor health they’re hoping to change as it relates to the natural body; most are there because of sinful habits they won’t change as it relates to their sexual appetites. Personally, I would change the name of the building to the “Polk County Department for the Unhealthy and Undisciplined,” because that’s primarily what they do and who they serve.
Ah, the good ole’ American tax system at work! Nothing like seeing your hard-earned tax dollars waste away in the abyss of cultural tolerance and moral neutrality. How sad!
That was my experience today when I walked into the Polk County Heath Dept. While there were services there for people looking to travel abroad (shots, information, etc.) and families with financial needs, (kid check-ups, dental exams, etc.), the only advertised services were for things that should be treated with a size 15 boot, not a little pill or a long needle. With signs like “Not ready to be pregnant?”, “STD’s Made Simple”, and “Family Planning the Easy Way,” I wondered if maybe I had a stumbled into a make-shift medical clinic that doubled as a clearing house for pimps and prostitutes. It seemed like the only thing being offered was an apparently easy (and tax-payer funded) way out of the physical consequences of an unhealthy, destructive lifestyle. Truth is, few people are actually there because of poor health they’re hoping to change as it relates to the natural body; most are there because of sinful habits they won’t change as it relates to their sexual appetites. Personally, I would change the name of the building to the “Polk County Department for the Unhealthy and Undisciplined,” because that’s primarily what they do and who they serve.
Ah, the good ole’ American tax system at work! Nothing like seeing your hard-earned tax dollars waste away in the abyss of cultural tolerance and moral neutrality. How sad!
Monday, June 29, 2009
Some Thoughts on Love and Marriage
Many people claim to understand love. Some view it as something you fall into, like it’s a great big, surprising pit you tumble into with a pillow-top mattress and a hot chick waiting for you at the bottom. Others see it as something that is in the air – a feeling you catch, almost like a cold that you don’t get over for a really long time. Still others think of it as something you make; so they cook up a string of romantic flings to try and satisfy their sexual appetite.
The error in all of these perspectives – which are the unfortunate but unvoiced opinion of most average people in the world -- is that love starts and ends with them. It can be created by them for their own good. It’s all about their needs and desires. Consequently, love is, to them, a three-letter word: “Get.” Thus, their relationships are, for all practical purposes, fundamentally flawed.
But truly, God understands love best, because, as the Bible points out, he is love (I John 4:8). So to really know love, we need to know God. In fact, this is exactly the point John is making in these verses in 1 John 4 – that loving others correctly starts with knowing God properly.
This matters greatly because when we start with God as the source of love – which he is – we end up in a radically different place than if we start with ourselves. Starting with God means that love is not a three-letter word, but a four-letter word: “Give.” Why? Because giving is exactly what God did to prove his love. This same writer, John, confirmed this when he wrote in another of his letters (John 3:16), “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes should never perish but have eternal life.”
You see, God didn’t need anything. He wasn’t lonely or on the rebound. Yet, he gave of himself so that we – sinners who were separated from him – might be saved. In this way God defined love as no one ever has: the sacrifice of who we are and what we have for someone else’s benefit.
That’s the heart of the Gospel. God, in his great love, has redeemed us through Jesus, for no reason other than it was his good pleasure to. He didn’t have to; we didn’t deserve it. But he loved us, and gave himself in the form of the God-Man Jesus to be the sacrificial substitute for our sin. As Paul declared it in Romans 5:8, “But God shows his love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”
As a result, all who know God can love like God. Sacrificially. Permanently. Selflessly. Radically. And that’s exactly the kind of love it takes in a marriage. Truth is, without God, marriage is nothing more than two people using each other to get their physical, sexual, and emotional needs met. But with God as the centerpiece, marriage is the avenue by which a man gives of himself to satisfy his woman in every human way. And a woman gives of herself to satisfy her man in every human way. It is the spiritual and physical union of two people committed to giving, not getting.
“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God” (I John 4:7).
The error in all of these perspectives – which are the unfortunate but unvoiced opinion of most average people in the world -- is that love starts and ends with them. It can be created by them for their own good. It’s all about their needs and desires. Consequently, love is, to them, a three-letter word: “Get.” Thus, their relationships are, for all practical purposes, fundamentally flawed.
But truly, God understands love best, because, as the Bible points out, he is love (I John 4:8). So to really know love, we need to know God. In fact, this is exactly the point John is making in these verses in 1 John 4 – that loving others correctly starts with knowing God properly.
This matters greatly because when we start with God as the source of love – which he is – we end up in a radically different place than if we start with ourselves. Starting with God means that love is not a three-letter word, but a four-letter word: “Give.” Why? Because giving is exactly what God did to prove his love. This same writer, John, confirmed this when he wrote in another of his letters (John 3:16), “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes should never perish but have eternal life.”
You see, God didn’t need anything. He wasn’t lonely or on the rebound. Yet, he gave of himself so that we – sinners who were separated from him – might be saved. In this way God defined love as no one ever has: the sacrifice of who we are and what we have for someone else’s benefit.
That’s the heart of the Gospel. God, in his great love, has redeemed us through Jesus, for no reason other than it was his good pleasure to. He didn’t have to; we didn’t deserve it. But he loved us, and gave himself in the form of the God-Man Jesus to be the sacrificial substitute for our sin. As Paul declared it in Romans 5:8, “But God shows his love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”
As a result, all who know God can love like God. Sacrificially. Permanently. Selflessly. Radically. And that’s exactly the kind of love it takes in a marriage. Truth is, without God, marriage is nothing more than two people using each other to get their physical, sexual, and emotional needs met. But with God as the centerpiece, marriage is the avenue by which a man gives of himself to satisfy his woman in every human way. And a woman gives of herself to satisfy her man in every human way. It is the spiritual and physical union of two people committed to giving, not getting.
“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God” (I John 4:7).
Friday, June 19, 2009
Resistance vs. Persistance
Saying “no” (resistance) has its place. Just read Proverbs 1 and you’ll see that truth clearly communicated. But it doesn’t have the power that saying “yes” (persistence) does. And that is plainly illustrated in Proverbs 2. Bottom line? Only an deep, internal “yes” brings any meaning to the difficult, external “no’s”.
The New Testament lays out the same process and principle in Colossians 2 and Titus 2. Paul taught us in both places (Col. 2:20-23 and Titus 2:11-14) that there is both a “no” and a “yes” in the life of every believer. We should deny worldliness and ungodliness; we should resist sin; we should stand against our enemy, Satan. But a life that consists of only “no’s” – rules with no reasoning – leads to frustration and eventually a hypocritical existence (see Col. 2:23). Paul bluntly said that a life of only “no’s” is beyond boring. It is insanely futile. Blindly useless. Strikingly stupid. To use his exact words, "of no value."
But grace gives us the reason we need to say “no.” Grace is the deep “yes” of every real believer’s life. Because the Holy Spirit of God will give real sons and daughters of God the desire to say “yes” to Jesus, we can say “no” to Satan…to the world, the flesh, and the devil…to the lies he tells us that would lead us astray and stomp out our spiritual influence. But only after we say “yes” to Jesus. Otherwise, our resistance is temporary at best. Human effort will wear out. You will, as a mere man, get tired. You only have so many “no’s in you apart from the power of God the Ghost in you.
Remember Moses? He saw through the temporary attraction of being in Pharaoh’s family and said “yes” to the deeper call of God upon his life by owning up to who he really was. And remember Jesus himself? He endured the cross and said “yes” because of a deeper love for his Father.
If your life is a list of ridiculous rules with no reasoning, get a clue. Jesus demands more than “white knuckle Christianity” from those who say they truly follow him. And he delivers more than that as well. He delivers a power through his Spirit that enables us to do more than resist; it allows us to persist. Chase his will. Follow hard after him. Fight the good fight and finish the course. If that’s what you really want, then live for the deeper “yes” – knowing Jesus. Only in “knowing Him” does “no-ing them” make any sense and contain any lasting significance.
The New Testament lays out the same process and principle in Colossians 2 and Titus 2. Paul taught us in both places (Col. 2:20-23 and Titus 2:11-14) that there is both a “no” and a “yes” in the life of every believer. We should deny worldliness and ungodliness; we should resist sin; we should stand against our enemy, Satan. But a life that consists of only “no’s” – rules with no reasoning – leads to frustration and eventually a hypocritical existence (see Col. 2:23). Paul bluntly said that a life of only “no’s” is beyond boring. It is insanely futile. Blindly useless. Strikingly stupid. To use his exact words, "of no value."
But grace gives us the reason we need to say “no.” Grace is the deep “yes” of every real believer’s life. Because the Holy Spirit of God will give real sons and daughters of God the desire to say “yes” to Jesus, we can say “no” to Satan…to the world, the flesh, and the devil…to the lies he tells us that would lead us astray and stomp out our spiritual influence. But only after we say “yes” to Jesus. Otherwise, our resistance is temporary at best. Human effort will wear out. You will, as a mere man, get tired. You only have so many “no’s in you apart from the power of God the Ghost in you.
Remember Moses? He saw through the temporary attraction of being in Pharaoh’s family and said “yes” to the deeper call of God upon his life by owning up to who he really was. And remember Jesus himself? He endured the cross and said “yes” because of a deeper love for his Father.
If your life is a list of ridiculous rules with no reasoning, get a clue. Jesus demands more than “white knuckle Christianity” from those who say they truly follow him. And he delivers more than that as well. He delivers a power through his Spirit that enables us to do more than resist; it allows us to persist. Chase his will. Follow hard after him. Fight the good fight and finish the course. If that’s what you really want, then live for the deeper “yes” – knowing Jesus. Only in “knowing Him” does “no-ing them” make any sense and contain any lasting significance.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Our Crazy Culture
If you ever wonder just how upside down our culture has become, watch how they punish sin/crime. Most of the time, they get it backwards.
For instance, Michael Vick engages in gambling and betting using dogs as the centerpiece attraction, even killing some of them as part of his wrongful acts. Consequently, he went to prison, underwent the proverbial “scourging” by the NFL, and was scrutinized daily for well over a year, with many commentators/media voices saying he should never be allowed back in the NFL because he isn’t “worthy.” I guess you can’t really “pay your debt to society” for certain crimes (like animal cruelty).
But Dante Stallworth gets little microscoping after his drunk driving “accident” that killed a person (yeah, a real live human with an eternal destiny in play). In fact, he only got 30 days in jail according to ESPN, and will be playing again probably. He is hardly even mentioned in other newscasts or headlines.
I guess getting greedy and killing dogs has a higher price tag than getting drunk and killing people.
But this is only the most recent in a chain of upside-down values held by our culture. Like saving whales and fish, but killing babies. Like letting a sexually sick beauty pageant judge calling a contestant a b**** on his public video blog (whatever happened to hate crimes?) with no real kickback, but letting a firestorm break out over Miss California's politley expressed opinion (which was actually an answer to a question). It's just crazy how inverted (perverted) our culture sees things!
For instance, Michael Vick engages in gambling and betting using dogs as the centerpiece attraction, even killing some of them as part of his wrongful acts. Consequently, he went to prison, underwent the proverbial “scourging” by the NFL, and was scrutinized daily for well over a year, with many commentators/media voices saying he should never be allowed back in the NFL because he isn’t “worthy.” I guess you can’t really “pay your debt to society” for certain crimes (like animal cruelty).
But Dante Stallworth gets little microscoping after his drunk driving “accident” that killed a person (yeah, a real live human with an eternal destiny in play). In fact, he only got 30 days in jail according to ESPN, and will be playing again probably. He is hardly even mentioned in other newscasts or headlines.
I guess getting greedy and killing dogs has a higher price tag than getting drunk and killing people.
But this is only the most recent in a chain of upside-down values held by our culture. Like saving whales and fish, but killing babies. Like letting a sexually sick beauty pageant judge calling a contestant a b**** on his public video blog (whatever happened to hate crimes?) with no real kickback, but letting a firestorm break out over Miss California's politley expressed opinion (which was actually an answer to a question). It's just crazy how inverted (perverted) our culture sees things!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Birthday Theology
When it comes to being born, I had nothing to do with it. It was all a work of my parents. Simply put, by their own willful actions and desires, I was born.
Funny how birthdays, though, rarely celebrate the people truly responsible for the birth. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not suggesting a celebration reformation among birthdays (although my wife and I have jokingly talked about what it might look like if the kids gave the parents the gifts – we’re up for that! :) ). But let’s be honest – celebrating a birthday is more about expressing joy that, due to nothing on your part, you’re here!
There’s a theological lesson here, and you’re ahead of me, aren’t you? God birthed me spiritually. I had nothing to do with it. His grace alone brought about everything needed to birth me into God’s family. Consequently, our spiritual birthdays shouldn’t be centered on us – how “’we found Jesus” or what a good thing that happened when we “turned our life around with God.” That’s as crazy as a birthday party for a 2-year old and then thanking the little toddler for working with his/her parents and being born.
In ruminating on this one day, I was struck by the wording in Luke 15, where three things are found: a sheep, a coin, and a son. And in each case, it was all the work of the finder. The coin didn’t light a flare for the seeker; the sheep didn’t send out a S.O.S. And the son had no bargaining chips when he was seen from a long ways off. Yet, they were found, due to the grace and kindness of the finder. Period. And yes, a party followed, but not to reward the acts of the found, but rather to celebrate the fact of the find. Therein lies the best reason to throw a party – He found us!
Funny how birthdays, though, rarely celebrate the people truly responsible for the birth. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not suggesting a celebration reformation among birthdays (although my wife and I have jokingly talked about what it might look like if the kids gave the parents the gifts – we’re up for that! :) ). But let’s be honest – celebrating a birthday is more about expressing joy that, due to nothing on your part, you’re here!
There’s a theological lesson here, and you’re ahead of me, aren’t you? God birthed me spiritually. I had nothing to do with it. His grace alone brought about everything needed to birth me into God’s family. Consequently, our spiritual birthdays shouldn’t be centered on us – how “’we found Jesus” or what a good thing that happened when we “turned our life around with God.” That’s as crazy as a birthday party for a 2-year old and then thanking the little toddler for working with his/her parents and being born.
In ruminating on this one day, I was struck by the wording in Luke 15, where three things are found: a sheep, a coin, and a son. And in each case, it was all the work of the finder. The coin didn’t light a flare for the seeker; the sheep didn’t send out a S.O.S. And the son had no bargaining chips when he was seen from a long ways off. Yet, they were found, due to the grace and kindness of the finder. Period. And yes, a party followed, but not to reward the acts of the found, but rather to celebrate the fact of the find. Therein lies the best reason to throw a party – He found us!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Don't Ask! Don't Tell!
No, this isn’t the military mantra from years back pertaining to homosexuals in the armed forces. It’s my advice to parents when their kids get married and are no longer under their authority – Don’t ask! Don’t tell!
Yep, it’s true – once your kid (son or daughter) leaves and cleaves, don’t be nosy and don’t be voicy! (I made that word up, but I like it!) It’s the best bit of wisdom a parent can hear in those early days/years when they want to tell their child and their new mate just how to do everything. And how they know everything. But don’t. Seriously – back off! Let them leave and let them cleave. Those words can't happen when mom and dad are in the way.
Is this easy? Well, was childbirth painless? Of course not. But the best gift a mom/dad can give their newly married “child” is freedom and privacy. Freedom from your suggestions (which they didn’t ask for) and privacy from your parental invasion. So bite your lip – don’t ask and don’t tell! Just let them be a new couple under God’s authority, not yours. You read that right – they don’t answer to you anymore.
Why am I a little more revved up about this than normal? Because too many parents nod in agreement while they sit in church, but still act like marriage intruders to their grown children. In fact, I shared this simple principle recently in the concluding message of my “Home Run!” series (albeit a little more calmly), and you could immediately feel the tension rising in the room. Whew, I was dangling by a thread and loving it! You know why the tension got thick quick? ‘Cause people don’t know what it means to let their children leave and cleave. The grown, married kids know mom and don;t get it, and the parents know they don't get it. But nobody ever says, "Hey, you don't get it!" Today I'm saying it -- some of you ain't gettin' it!
So here it is plain and simple (as if God’s original words needed explaining…that’s funny!): Don’t ask. Don’t tell. If they want to know what you think, they’ll ask. If they want your opinion, they’ll let you know. Till they do, mums the word. Sure, they’ll make mistakes, fall, look stupid, and mess up. But they’ll learn far more and far quicker if we, the parents, stay out of the way unless we are invited. (even then, double check the invitation!)
(Here's a link to an article by a woman who writes about this in a sweeter way...enjoy! http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/2009/06/other-woman.html)
Yep, it’s true – once your kid (son or daughter) leaves and cleaves, don’t be nosy and don’t be voicy! (I made that word up, but I like it!) It’s the best bit of wisdom a parent can hear in those early days/years when they want to tell their child and their new mate just how to do everything. And how they know everything. But don’t. Seriously – back off! Let them leave and let them cleave. Those words can't happen when mom and dad are in the way.
Is this easy? Well, was childbirth painless? Of course not. But the best gift a mom/dad can give their newly married “child” is freedom and privacy. Freedom from your suggestions (which they didn’t ask for) and privacy from your parental invasion. So bite your lip – don’t ask and don’t tell! Just let them be a new couple under God’s authority, not yours. You read that right – they don’t answer to you anymore.
Why am I a little more revved up about this than normal? Because too many parents nod in agreement while they sit in church, but still act like marriage intruders to their grown children. In fact, I shared this simple principle recently in the concluding message of my “Home Run!” series (albeit a little more calmly), and you could immediately feel the tension rising in the room. Whew, I was dangling by a thread and loving it! You know why the tension got thick quick? ‘Cause people don’t know what it means to let their children leave and cleave. The grown, married kids know mom and don;t get it, and the parents know they don't get it. But nobody ever says, "Hey, you don't get it!" Today I'm saying it -- some of you ain't gettin' it!
So here it is plain and simple (as if God’s original words needed explaining…that’s funny!): Don’t ask. Don’t tell. If they want to know what you think, they’ll ask. If they want your opinion, they’ll let you know. Till they do, mums the word. Sure, they’ll make mistakes, fall, look stupid, and mess up. But they’ll learn far more and far quicker if we, the parents, stay out of the way unless we are invited. (even then, double check the invitation!)
(Here's a link to an article by a woman who writes about this in a sweeter way...enjoy! http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/2009/06/other-woman.html)
Monday, June 1, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Under Wonder
Ever notice how when we use the word “under,” even in a negative sense, we often mean engulfed? Like saturated. Overtaken. Totally wrapped up. Like when someone says, “I’m under some big stress at home” … or “I’m really under a load at work.” Even in a literal and more positive sense, under still means much the same thing. Like when we watch one of our kids go under water at the pool or beach (aren’t you glad summer is here!), we see the same thing – they are swallowed up. Engulfed. Or when someone has us under their spell (like when you first met the girl/guy who is now your spouse)…you get the picture, right? In this way, under indicates that something or someone has totally captivated us, whether good or bad, and surrounds us in most every way.
Well, I am under wonder this weekend. Yep, I am engulfed with amazement; captivated by astonishment. I am left speechless and breathless by the waves of God’s ingenious creativity. I am totally wrapped up and saturated by the wonder of Him.
Okay, I know I should live in that place all the time, but I’m probably more human than I like to admit, and sometimes I’m not under wonder at all: I’m unfortunately sometimes just selfishly impressed with God. You know, times when he did something for me, or I benefitted from his character, so suddenly I see how good God is. Pretty shallow, eh? Sometimes I’m more like an immature kid who is happy with God when I get my way.
But prepping for and teaching this “Home Run” series has put me under – way under wonder! And while I have been sensing my wonder-meter rising over the past few weeks, it red-lined (in a good way) this week while running one morning. I was talking with God, listening to him, and just meditating on his wisdom and creativity regarding many aspects of this thing we call “home.” Things like how God has designed and wired males and females, how he has structured the most basic relationships to cooperate and connect in what is known as a family, how his wisdom in roles brings so much joy and prevents so much damage and hurt...on and on I could go! The mystery and vastness of it all -- biologically, physically, spiritually, emotionally, chemically -- just began to overwhelm me; I found myself under wonder right there in the middle of my morning jog!
Granted – I had spent much of the week getting ready to talk about sex from God’s point of view, so there was even more good reason to be stoked! But it was precisely the ingenious chemistry involved in that issue that put me over the top – what a gift God invented! And when enjoyed within his parameters, well, it put me under wonder. (There’s so much more I want to say about that subject, especially in light of all the perversion that goes in our culture. But let me instead just refer you to the message posted on our site – www.firstfamilyministries.com and then click on Listen. That will do more than I can do here.)
But it’s not just the biblical beauty of sex that got me revved up…under wonder. The whole man/woman/children/family thing has stirred me for weeks! I just find myself more and more awed with God, not solely because of his work, but because of his wisdom. From original creation to spiritual redemption to daily sanctification to physical satisfaction, God just knows best! There’s not an area where his wisdom isn’t seen! That’s why I’m under wonder! Saturated. Overtaken. Totally wrapped up. Engulfed. Swallowed whole. Surrounded. Captivated. Speechless. Wowed.
‘Nuff said.
Well, I am under wonder this weekend. Yep, I am engulfed with amazement; captivated by astonishment. I am left speechless and breathless by the waves of God’s ingenious creativity. I am totally wrapped up and saturated by the wonder of Him.
Okay, I know I should live in that place all the time, but I’m probably more human than I like to admit, and sometimes I’m not under wonder at all: I’m unfortunately sometimes just selfishly impressed with God. You know, times when he did something for me, or I benefitted from his character, so suddenly I see how good God is. Pretty shallow, eh? Sometimes I’m more like an immature kid who is happy with God when I get my way.
But prepping for and teaching this “Home Run” series has put me under – way under wonder! And while I have been sensing my wonder-meter rising over the past few weeks, it red-lined (in a good way) this week while running one morning. I was talking with God, listening to him, and just meditating on his wisdom and creativity regarding many aspects of this thing we call “home.” Things like how God has designed and wired males and females, how he has structured the most basic relationships to cooperate and connect in what is known as a family, how his wisdom in roles brings so much joy and prevents so much damage and hurt...on and on I could go! The mystery and vastness of it all -- biologically, physically, spiritually, emotionally, chemically -- just began to overwhelm me; I found myself under wonder right there in the middle of my morning jog!
Granted – I had spent much of the week getting ready to talk about sex from God’s point of view, so there was even more good reason to be stoked! But it was precisely the ingenious chemistry involved in that issue that put me over the top – what a gift God invented! And when enjoyed within his parameters, well, it put me under wonder. (There’s so much more I want to say about that subject, especially in light of all the perversion that goes in our culture. But let me instead just refer you to the message posted on our site – www.firstfamilyministries.com and then click on Listen. That will do more than I can do here.)
But it’s not just the biblical beauty of sex that got me revved up…under wonder. The whole man/woman/children/family thing has stirred me for weeks! I just find myself more and more awed with God, not solely because of his work, but because of his wisdom. From original creation to spiritual redemption to daily sanctification to physical satisfaction, God just knows best! There’s not an area where his wisdom isn’t seen! That’s why I’m under wonder! Saturated. Overtaken. Totally wrapped up. Engulfed. Swallowed whole. Surrounded. Captivated. Speechless. Wowed.
‘Nuff said.
Friday, May 22, 2009
XX and XY
Even though my last video post contains similar info, I also like this insightful devo that Mike H. brought to my attention. It does a great job of succintly showing some of the God-created differences between men (XY) and women (XX). Even down to the chromosonic level (yep, I may have just made up a word), we are just simply different. That's not something to curse; that's something to celebrate! See if you don't come away more grateful and ready to throw a party after reading this...
"Our chemistry corresponds in varying degrees to our primary family roles. Men have 15 times more testosterone than women. They are generally stronger and sweat more. This is good for men when they are out subduing the earth. Women have 10 times the amount of estrogen, which gives them greater endurance. They can endure more pain, and they live longer. This is good for women when they're bearing a child and raising it.
Men score higher in levels of aggression, dominance, and self-confidence, women in nurturance, empathy, and intimacy. Men take more chances and die sooner. Women are more cautious and stabilize their environment, creating longer life for all. Men are more direct and linear in their speech and reasoning, less concerned about the impact on others, whereas women are more indirect and connective. Men seek competition to greater degrees than women. Women seek cooperation in higher degrees then men. Men consistently score higher in math, science, and economics, women in philosophy, human relations, and verbal skills.
Why should these differences be so threatening? The issue isn't equality—that's a given. Nor is it about superiority and inferiority. It's about men being stronger than women and women being stronger than men in different and complementary ways rooted in creation." (John Ensor in Matters of the Heart)
Consider it today's handful of vitamins as you train to hit more "home" runs!
"Our chemistry corresponds in varying degrees to our primary family roles. Men have 15 times more testosterone than women. They are generally stronger and sweat more. This is good for men when they are out subduing the earth. Women have 10 times the amount of estrogen, which gives them greater endurance. They can endure more pain, and they live longer. This is good for women when they're bearing a child and raising it.
Men score higher in levels of aggression, dominance, and self-confidence, women in nurturance, empathy, and intimacy. Men take more chances and die sooner. Women are more cautious and stabilize their environment, creating longer life for all. Men are more direct and linear in their speech and reasoning, less concerned about the impact on others, whereas women are more indirect and connective. Men seek competition to greater degrees than women. Women seek cooperation in higher degrees then men. Men consistently score higher in math, science, and economics, women in philosophy, human relations, and verbal skills.
Why should these differences be so threatening? The issue isn't equality—that's a given. Nor is it about superiority and inferiority. It's about men being stronger than women and women being stronger than men in different and complementary ways rooted in creation." (John Ensor in Matters of the Heart)
Consider it today's handful of vitamins as you train to hit more "home" runs!
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